So How Do You Know It's Love?

[Stressmagnet]

So as y'all probably know, I've had Ernie since October 1 of last year. He was 6 months old on our 'Gettin' Day'.

When do you reckon you change from 'just' the person who feeds, walks and plays with your dog to something more? In short, while we are all madly in love with Ernie - is he in love with us? how do you know that they are madly in love with YOU?

Is it a thing that develops slowly over years or is it something that we project onto our animals?

[persephone]

if he gives you 'the look' , loves to be with you - anticipates your actions .....gosh - it's hard for me to describe ...

[Leah82]

I tested whether or not Sarah liked my cuddles by giving her a little cuddle and stopping but staying in the same spot. Pretty sure she was all for it when she would scoot closer when I stopped :p

But that's just one example of a love like behaviour, each dog is different in how they display it.

When I moved in with my hubby I could tell Collie was a bit ambivalent towards me, he would rarely do what I told him to do, instead he would look into his daddies eyes as if to say "Do I have too?"

These days he listens to me more than my hubby and if invited up on the couch will quite happily curl up in my lap even if hubby's lap is on offer. So I think we'll call that love

Collie gently pats the ones he loves as well :laugh:

[hankdog]

Mmmmmm do dogs feel love? Not sure, Hank was a confident dog who coukd have picked anyone in the family but chose the one who walked and fed him. It took about 6 months but then he decided I was his person.

Jake was weird, when I walked up to his cage there was a man crouched down talking to him. I stood back because at that point I was ambivalent about taking him and if someone else was going to take him then I would have been happy for that to happen.

He walked away from the man and came as close as he could get to me and gave me what I now know is his "I desperately want that" face, two teeth out and lots of huffing. The other man laughed and said I guess he wants you. I said he had first pick if he wanted him.

He was a gem on lead in the yard, he gave me his whole pathetic act and by the time he was in the car he was bonded. Didn't give anyone else in the family a chance really. If I go out he doesn't care if anyone's at home he still mopes and behaves like the worlds ended. His lack of training and speaking human meant it took a while for us to work together, that point you get to when they seem to read what you want, mind you with Hank he would do what I wanted, with Jake it's more of an acknowledgement rather than instant desire to please.

[Kajtek]

Don't know about love but I think this is why I assume they are bonded to me:

The bully 'I love you' look :laugh:. Hankdog, I guess you know the one

The bully 'talking'.

The little 'kisses' they dish out at every opportunity. (Yeah, I know - just my interpretation)

The velcro factor.

Their obedience and looking at me for direction. Well, most of the time hehe.

Edited January 15, 2015 by Kajtek

[BlaznHotAussies]

Robo was bonded to me and I realised it at first when we went on holidays and according to his breeder (who he stayed with) he'd behave for them but never that affectionate toward them. And every time I'd get home or go over there to pick him up after weekends away the instant he saw me his entire body would be wriggling best feeling ever. He loved being anywhere around me and was so good for laying at my feet

[OSoSwift]

With mine it's the fact that they are following me everywhere, if someone else wants to do something with them they have to actively lead them, hold them etc.

I got Lewis at almost 8 months within 24 hours I knew he was my dog. I only had to think about moving and he was there. In the past I was working on the kennels which are a little way from the house and in my FIL's shed which is a little way from the kennels. I left him home with mum as it was freezing.

She opened the door and he slipped through without her realising and ran to the kennels, I wasn't there husband was, left there and went up to the shed. As soon as he found me he was super excited.

Part of the reason if I am going out I lock them in their yard so he doesn't try to follow me to town or something.

I feed and do most things with my husbands dog. One word from my husband dog is gone and doesn't look back. He is definitely my husbands dog

[raineth]

When you regularly get bruises in the shape of little tail bones across your legs; then you know its love :)

[Better Late]

We've had our girl for a month now and I've found myself pondering the same thing as you, Stressmagnet! I know it can take a while for a dog to come out of their shell in a new environment so I need to keep reminding myself to be patient (not one of my finer points :laugh:). But sometimes I do find myself wondering if I'm doing something wrong because she hardly ever wags her tail and isn't overly keen on affection, oh no, is my dog broken? Crap, she loves my partner more than me! (Lots of face licking whereas I just seem to be treat dispenser/person who requires her to do things). It's all very interesting, especially as a first time dog owner. There was a video posted on facebook this morning of a man doing some obedience work with his shepherd, with the caption "Look at this happy, wagging tail! This is what you should see when you train your dog. If you don't have this then you need to do X, Y & Z etc etc" and my brain immediately flew to OH GOD MY DOG IS BROKEN I AM THE WORST before jumping to the logical thought path of 'no, she's four years old and just coming to terms with a new environment, and every dog is different. Give it time grasshopper.'

When I wonder if she'll ever 'love' me (or jeez maybe even like me a bit more at this point) I remember the tail going round and round when we come home and the pawing at my hand when I stop patting her to see if she wants more. We'll get there. The main thing is she's ours, and she's well fed and safe :)

[aliwake]

It can be a slippery slope thinking about these things sometimes... :)

I'm fairly sure Nixon loves me - he certainly follows me around everywhere, and likes cuddles (possibly just because I make him!). He wiggles all over with happiness when I get home. 90% of the time he clearly prefers me to my husband.

But, I remember watching a dog documentary that said something about signs of empathy from your dog meaning they value you. The one that stuck in my head is if you yawn, they yawn. I don't really see that sort of thing from Nix, but I also suspect that he's still quite young, and is a spoiled rotten only child, so he expects most interactions to be about him. I also wonder sometime if he thinks he's the boss of me, and needs to look after me, which is why he sticks so close? Not sure, but he is definitely a gorgeous, good natured boy and I love him to bits!

[alpha bet]

It is easy to assume our dogs love us.... but perhaps we have to remember there can be a difference how some personalities of dogs react to us.... the same applies with how different humans relate to each other.... 'Love' can be a very personal thing.

I always think of having mutual respect as the base for our relationships... human, dog, horse etc...... I don't like to crowd my animals and force my presence on them... instead I provide an invitation for closeness and then give them the chance to move in for more..... Perhaps it may take a little longer but usually it is a much more honest way of dealing with the different personalities.... they have a chance to get to know me as I get to know them....

Working with horses teaches us how to be patient in showing affection.... after raising a few very young horses I often feel very honoured at the trust they hand to me.... even during the Black Saturday fires with helicopters overhead and waterpumps blasting.... my horses remained calm and focused on us humans....

My advice is to be happy to sit back and observe animals and let them guide you to what they are ready to offer..... It is amazing how quickly relationships build when they are not forced.

[huski]

Whether you would call it love or something else, there has been a point I reach in time with both my dogs where I feel am really happy with the relationship and bond we have. That isn't something that happens overnight, it is something I build with them over time.

Questions I would ask to determine if I was happy with the relationship I have with my dogs would be things like;

- Am I happy with how my dogs behave overall?

- Do they like to be around me, do they have value for me?

- Do they have undesirable behaviours that may effect how I enjoy my time with them?

- Do they want to work with me, earn rewards from me, do they listen to me?

- Is there something more I want them to do or learn?

- Do I look forward to spending time with them and training them and taking them out places?

When I can't see where my relationship with my dogs could improve I take that as a great sign that both parties are happy :D

[Stressmagnet]

Interesting replies, thank you.

Ernie will love on everyone in the house, but will obey me without asking twice. That's about the only indication I've got that he respects me, and probably figures I'm the 'pack leader'. Is that s sign of love?

Not sure though that if I believe that dogs DO feel love as we define it. They may be engaging in these behaviours (cuddles, kisses) because they are self rewarding.

If I give her a lick, my tummy gets rubbed.

If I drop immediately, she rubs my ears.

Do you see where I'm going with this? I'd like to believe he loves me, but unlike a human, he can't verbalise his feelings. So back to my original question - do you reckon dogs actually LOVE or is it more a pack survival/reward based thing?

[Tibbie_tabbie]

When their tail wags in their sleep when you walk by them.

When they are content and happy just being near you.

When off lead in a park filled with trees and other dogs they enjoy strolling along next you best :)

[The Spotted Devil]

Love is a difficult concept. I guess it's a human construct.

I love my dogs and kits more than I can express.

Whether my dogs "love me" isn't something that I really consider.

I focus on building my relationship with them in a positive way. So that all our interactions are joyful. Which doesn't mean I don't ask them to do stuff that's really hard. Or that they never fail. But it's about the journey, not the destination :)

[silentchild]

I don't know about love as such, but I do believe there is a 'bond'.

Things like completely mutual understanding, trust and respect of one another. When you can read each other to the accuracy of a pinpoint with just the slightest movement or look. I make sure to build our relationship with a lot of fun and positivity - building a team.

I know my dog is very bonded to me. She will be affectionate to other members of the family but it truly is on a different level with me. I always feel very connected to her and she in turn is extremely intuitive to my feelings. Sometimes I just need to think of something and she will do it - other times I swear she understands full english sentences. She is my shadow and will come to me for assurance, security and safety when she is feeling scared or unsure.

I am hesitant to call it love although I am sure she feels some type of emotional connection to me. Definitely a very strong bond. And since I can't think of any other word in the English dictionary for it, I'm happy to call it love just to make myself feel better LOL.

[denali]

I read this the other day- may be worth checking out :)

http://mic.com/articles/104474/brain-scans-reveal-what-dogs-really-think-of-us

[mita]

Our Tibbie, Annie, does a demonstration of her Love Test. When there are visitors, she'll lie in a typical Tibbie pose, chin flat on the floor and big brown eyes watching me. I can look at her & talk to her. But as soon as I say, 'I love you.' in the same tone of voice, her face lights up & she rushes over into my arms as if saying 'I love you back!;. . She's got so good now, she can do it as lip reading!

I have no idea if that's 'love' ... the science probably is a web of reward lnked to specific stimuli stuff. But we choose to call it love... it looks like love & sure feels like love!

Edited January 16, 2015 by mita

[Mumsie]

We adopted a dog at Easter, as soon as I was introduced to her she didn't bother with those who had raised her and had to move her on, she looked at me and basically that was it for her, it took me a while to take to her but she just loves to be near me wherever and whatever I am doing. Still trying to convince her I will not climb out the bathroom window when I close the door! When I go out she sits at the window and waits for me to come back even if there are other family members at home. She loves playing with our other dog and will welcome and play with other family members but likes to check that I am still in her line of sight. She is a little ratbag but I love her and I think she loves me

[Sheridan]

I fell in love with Miss Mini before she came to live with me on a permanent basis. She stayed for a weekend. While sitting on the couch with me on the floor she snorted into my hair. Instant love.