Grief, What Do You Say

[percyk]

triple post sorry

Edited December 23, 2010 by percyk

[Her Majesty Dogmad]

Everyone grieves differently, I lost a beloved dog less than a week ago. Just because I'm still working hard at rescuing those in need does not mean that my heart hasn't broken.

As someone said, it's when the grief doesn't seem to be getting better after some time, that the person may need help.

I have a lot of doggie friends, there's a small group of us that have multiple dogs and hold a little ceremony when one dies, we all end up crying as we know just how bad it feels but we support each other and understand.

I think that it is so important to find someone that can relate to how you feel at these times. Many people just don't get it which is why I tend to keep quiet about it at work until I'm feeling a bit stronger although my current colleagues are very supportive.

[stellnme]

So sorry Dogmad. What a beautiful tribute to your departed dog to keep rescuing others in need.

[Adza]

I only tell people who know where I am coming from when I lose a pet after an EX friend told me "it's only a dog whats the big deal?" I just had to distance from her after that it really broke my heart she said that.

A woman I know had to take 3 weeks leave when her dog died, she just couldn't function and took it really bad.

[oakway]

Everyone grieves differently, I lost a beloved dog less than a week ago. Just because I'm still working hard at rescuing those in need does not mean that my heart hasn't broken.

As someone said, it's when the grief doesn't seem to be getting better after some time, that the person may need help.

I have a lot of doggie friends, there's a small group of us that have multiple dogs and hold a little ceremony when one dies, we all end up crying as we know just how bad it feels but we support each other and understand.

I think that it is so important to find someone that can relate to how you feel at these times. Many people just don't get it which is why I tend to keep quiet about it at work until I'm feeling a bit stronger although my current colleagues are very supportive.

Yes exactly.

All the crying and sobbing and grief one suffers doesn't bring them back.

Best to get it out of your system with what ever method you use.

Then get on with life.

[Trishm]

I have to say that having read this ladys posts in the past, I am not surprised at her reaction. I think it is made even worse because of her own illness, she was very dependant on this dog, she made her sound as though she was an 'assistance' dog.

I admit to being worried about how she was going to react when I read of the dogs illness and deterioration.

It is very sad, I haven't posted either, I just don't know what to say to her. Hopefully with time she will remember the good times and that will help her with her grieving.

This is all very raw for me too, as I lost my heart dog in September.

[Linda K]

I think that all you can really do is let them know you are there for them, another thng on the NOT to say list is to tell them you know how they are feeling - you don't, you only know how you may have felt after undergoing a similr circumstance, but you are not them, so can't know how THEY are feeling about it. Having gone thorugh the loss of various fur kids, a miscarriage, a loss of a twin at 20 weeks, a niece at 1 day, friends having stillborns, death of a MIL, and a father with life threatening disease who was not expetced to make it past April this year (he is still going strong), I know what was important for me was having other people letting me know they were there for me. If you are phyically near them it is very helpful to make them casseroles etc to help out (one of the aunts make a big batch of Vegetable soup as soon as she heard my MIL had died, which was great, as we were in too much shock from the unexpected suddenness of it to even want to think about doing stuff like making dinner), or if not, just be a listenng board for them, and above all, not to just move on and not let them talk about it, even if it means sharing photos with them or listening to stories about their loved one - the last thiing I wanted was to feel like these were not important anymore just because they were dead - today is the 10th anniversary of the day I lost one of my twins, and it still hurts as much today as it did 10 years ago, the only difference is I have learnt how to deal with that pain and loss, but I will never forget him, nor will I ever stop wishing the outcome had been different - to even learn earlier this year from his dr that now there is a surgical technique that would have saved his life that was not available 10 years ago made the hurt all new again.

Hugs to anyone who has lost a loved one this year, it is certainly never easy to go through, but in o[pening ourslvees up to love we open ourselves up to that pain, but as the only option is to never let anyone in, I personally cherish the impact all these souls have had on my life in making me the person I am, and continue to do so.

[dogbesotted]

I still well up with tears and an inability to speak over my dogs who have died... ( it passes quickly but it is there)

I try to send a blessing to those who are grieving and if possible a month later a private email asking how they are....

H

[cee9175]

It is terrible. When my whippet pup - who I had only had for about a month died from an illness, I locked myself in my room and cried for a solid week. I am still not the same now. I dont think there is anything you can say, except to offer support. Time is the best healer

[mutt lover]

It is never easy to find the right words to comfort someone and we all handle grief differently, 12 years ago I lost a little dog in a dog attack to say I was a basket case was an understatement, Until then I'd never suffered from depression or anxiety attacks but only for the fact I had my horse and I poured all my tears and grief and spent all my time up at the paddock with her and found so much comfort in her soft nose and I'm sure she understood.

It took me 4 months before I even thought about getting another dog, but I woke up one morning and said to my Dad that I had to go to rspca that day as there was a little dog waiting there for me, I can't explain it but I knew I had to go there that day was like someone was pushing me to go there was very weird as until that day I didn't ever want another dog I was just that heartbroken and a complete wreck.

I did go the rspca that day and I found My beautiful Angel "Lady" who was due to be pts the next day and Lady is now 17 and I truly believe I was meant to go there that day to find my new best friend and although It still makes me cry if I look at pics of Bonnie I really think I would of had a break down if I hadn't of got another dog when I did.

And this is my sweet little Angel that showed me how to love again!!

[skip]

That's a heart warming story to share , mutt lover. Thank you for sharing again. Angel is lucky.

I find myself being very attached to my dogs. In part too because I have moved since I got them twice and each time, they are my constant family. Without family nearby when you move to a new place it always takes a while to make new friends. And with the dogs I am not alone and I can get out and meet new like-minded people and find good company.

When my little girl dies which I hope is at least a decade away, I am aware how much I will miss her. I have already thought about it. I would like to go and adopt another small old dog that deserves a safe place and being spoilt for a while. I have found a lot of comfort from my girl and thought I could give some of that back. My other dogs will be for agility and need to do something, Gemma's "dog" could just be loved. I am so sentimental! :D

And as to your friend - just listen to her and support her. For now , anyway. If grieving went on too long you could just say you are worried about her. Not that she is wrong or bad for not getting over it. If it did go on too long, maybe she would be worried also. My family and workmates do not get dogs and can't underdstand why I like them. Having a friend helps. I remember my friends old horse died as we thought it would. When I turned up that day we just hugged and cried. I think she was more comforted that somebody understood her pain.

[iltby]

I never know what to say either...I always worried I might come off as uncaring or sarcastic. But I know if I were in the same situation, I'd appreciate absolutely any kind words. When I lost my heart dog, a hug went a long way, too.

Edited April 16, 2011 by iltby™

[benshiva]

After only just going through the heartache of losing a beloved dog, I can assure you that a kind word to let them know you're thinking of them does go a long way.

It's been a dreadful couple of weeks for us after losing our lovely "Pink" to a snake, if it hadn't been for the lovely words from everyone, we never would have got through.

Hugs to your cyberfriend xxxx