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If You're Having A Baby, Don't Get A Dog


Jemmy
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I agree with all of you here. That woman is a selfish ass and I'm not so convinced someone who treats her dog like that is a great parent either. Really, she sounds angry at everything.

But.

When my first daughter was born, she was, what they tactfully call 'a difficult baby'. She slept 40 mins out of every hour - 24 hours a day. The rest of the time she screamed or puked. She got expelled from the Sleep Clinic. I was a wreck with an unsupportive husband (women's stuff') and got diagnosed with both hyper vigilance (couldn't sleep in the 10 minutes I got) and post natal depression ('what the heck have I done to my life?').

We also had Katie, our bouncy 1 year old Kelpie. I will admit that for the first 8 months of my daughter's life - Katie the Kelpie got a raw deal. She got relegated to a distant second place in my heart, she got fewer and fewer walks, I kept her out of our bedroom and away from the baby. In short, for her, her life went from being a delight to despair and she hadn't a clue why. She hadn't changed, the world around her had.

But about the time my first started sleeping and I settled into motherhood, I realised why I'd been doing to my former best friend. And I smartened up.

Anyone can have a dog (unfortunately). Anyone can have a baby (unfortunately). But true adults MAKE it work. They own their mistakes and make it right. Katie started coming back on walks, I got less freaked out about 'dog germs' and she was welcome back in our room. We all went to the park - me, Drama Diva and Katie. DD learned how to throw a ball with Katie's help. Because of Katie, DD learned to be gentle with living things. Katie lived to the happy age of 12, being dressed up, being fed broccoli, being used as a horsey and a leverage to get up on first unsteady feet. I like to think - with the exception of those shameful 8 months, she had a pretty happy life.

I get that the writer is focussed on her kids. I get that her life has changed. But she could change herself. She's surely not so hardened that she won't - she seems pretty aware of what she's doing. It's not her dog's fault she's a self absorbed jerk.

Edited due to autocorrect

Edited by Stressmagnet
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I admire your strength after all you've been/going through Stressmagnet! You're an inspiration to us all and such a strong woman :hug:

The difference with you is that you were able to come out of such a troubling start with your little DD and you learned along with her every day. I don't dismiss the difficulty of kids and pets but like everything in life, it's a learning curve and you just have to mostly learn to let go and just go with the flow.

I actually love seeing mothers pushing their prams down the footpath with a dog attached -- there's something cute about taking the family for a walk! :)

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Before I had my daughter I had the dogs and we would go for two walks a day together. After I had my daughter, I had my dogs and we would ALL go for two walks a day together. In fact, we still had pretty much the same routine, just with added child. We were one big happy family. My daughter still has great memories (and photos to back it up) of those two dogs and often reminisces about them and the mischief they got into.

If anything, we probably did longer walks after daughter was born (only way to get her to sleep! :laugh:).

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"With a companion, a true and loyal friend like that, lots of troubles can be conquered."

"When the human heart, and mind, is willing, adjustments can be made."

Beautifully said VM :) x

yes indeed! beautifully said. The write of the article is a sad piece of work.. I feel really upset about her dog..ill in need of love and care and not getting it and i feel sorry for the child as well..

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Hahaha, check out this reply to the author's original publication of this opinion piece in the website she is some sort of editor for:

" What an idiot! Where to start?! Fortunately, others have had all day to respond to this moronic screed, so most of the points have undoubtedly been covered. Still, I can't resist piling on. First, they get a border collie mix--a notoriously busy, intelligent, high-energy animal. Then they act like a couple of 10-year-olds playing house: spoiling the dog, trying to turn it into their child, smugly gossiping (!) about the lesser mutt children in the neighborhood, freaking out over a dog-food recall by spending enough money and time on home-cooked dog meals that they could have fed a couple of 3rd-world countries for a month...and giving the poor dog every reason to believe he is the center of the universe.

And then they manically push out three kids within four years (did I mention that they're idiots?) and shove the former center of the universe to a cold remote outpost beyond Pluto. Of course, the poor once-beloved animal (with the idiotic name--thank god she spared us by not mentioning the stupid names she picked for the kids) has no clue what he has done to elicit this precipitous drop in affection and status in the household. And why? She says nothing about the dog being aggressive toward the children (so I assume he is kind and loving, or at least indifferent to the brats), nothing about him taking up any bad habits, such as chewing or territory marking (for which he could hardly be blamed, but, no--he's apparently not doing this)... She mentions that he barks. I'm guessing he has done this all along and they thought it was cute. Bet the neighbors have hated them for years if this is the case. But now it's a huge issue because - OMG - how terrible would it be if the precious little snowflakes learned to sleep through common noises and did not require the silence of the tomb? She mentions that he pukes--oh, darn, right when her ill-managed infant/toddler/toddler all need her undivided attention at the same time (this is why you space your kids intelligently, giving each one a little space before popping out the next--of course, some people do beautifully with numerous closely spaced kids; clearly this a$$clown and her a$$clown partner do not). So blame the poor animal for puking (he's THIRTEEN, for zog's sake, what do you expect?) while she's trying to juggle an also-puking infant and leaving the 4-year-old stranded on the toilet. And, oh, disaster!! Legos spilled all over the floor. And Desitin smeared on the kid's face--because she left it where he could get into it. Never expected 2-year-old to do THAT! Somehow, this all is the dog's fault. At least she's honest enough to say that her poll of people who regret getting dogs before breeding was "very unscientific," but she still extrapolates from the data compiled about herself and her idiot friends and tries to convince the rest of us that it's a terrible idea. Keep it to yourself, sister. You're a miserable, self-absorbed incompetent whose kids will have the same shallow values and lack of loyalty you and their idiot father exhibit. It's obvious that you will be hugely relieved when your former child-substitute, who is now so sadly superfluous to your life, passes on. For his sake, I hope it's soon, so he doesn't have to endure much more of his diminished, confused half-life. "

Here's the link to the other comments on the site:

http://www.slate.com/articles/life/family/2013/07/kids_and_dogs_if_you_re_having_a_baby_do_not_get_a_puppy.html?wpisrc=burger_bar

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Here's another really nice comment from the same place:

"Here's probably the worst (and saddest) thing about this situation-- it's totally avoidable.

A big reason people have pets these days is for emotional support and a unique kind of unconditional love. They are called support animals for a reason.

If you provide this dog with the care it deserves, it will care for you in return. It not only CAN be a source of comfort on the most stressful days, it WANTS to be. As plenty of parents have said here, dogs are a HELP with children in good homes.

I totally get all the people who say 'human relationships are more important!' Of course that's true-- but you will never have a human being as singularly devoted to you as a dog is to its owner. You are literally that creature's entire world.

Carve out a modest amount of time and attention for the dog. More than that, tell and show the dog no matter how busy you are that you care for it. That takes seconds-- dogs are amazingly perceptive, and just a look and a smile, or your tone of voice, can communicate so much.

The relationship might seem trivial to you now that you have children, but remember, to the animal, this is the most important relationship it will ever know. And if you can come to appreciate the enormity of that, you might feel some of your love for it come back. "

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There are some seriously well written scathing comments nestled amongst the 'oh but think of the children' waffle. I'm sure she'll feel compelled to write a mealy-mouthed apologia which is really masquerading as 'people don't understand meremememe'

Blergh. Makes me want to slap her. Hard.

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That is a really sad story. Poor velvel I felt terrible for him when she said that was the last nice thing they did for him.

I have seen this before among people who get a dog as a practice baby. Get a dog because you want a dog; have a baby if you want a baby (or babysit for others until circumstances are right ofcourse.)

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I'll commend her for her honestly.

The pounds are full of dogs who, through no fault of their own, have become "inconvenient" to their owners. My guess is that some of those dog owners are in similar situations to the author.

If it stops ONE family from buying a dog when perhaps their commitment won't be a strong one, then I think the story was worth telling. Like it or not, there are many "it's just a dog" families out there. Educating people on the perils of juggling dogs and young family is worthwhile IMO.

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I'll commend her for her honestly.

The pounds are full of dogs who, through no fault of their own, have become "inconvenient" to their owners. My guess is that some of those dog owners are in similar situations to the author.

If it stops ONE family from buying a dog when perhaps their commitment won't be a strong one, then I think the story was worth telling. Like it or not, there are many "it's just a dog" families out there. Educating people on the perils of juggling dogs and young family is worthwhile IMO.

I hear what you're saying, but stopping people buying dogs full stop means it stops people buying dogs from pounds too, which only makes the pound situation worse.

Most people manage their dog/s and kid/s just fine, so to discourage hordes of people from potentially adopting a poundie that needs a home NOW to prevent a small amount from maybe being rehomed (and possibly never entering the pound system anyway) only makes the problem worse.

Most of the dogs in the pounds weren't surrendered anyway. They escaped, and the owners either never found them or a lot of them struggle to afford to get them out. Lots of those poundies are wanted, but don't go home unfortunately.

I think the article's message is important but needs to be framed in a much less black and white way. This thread is full of people that have both dogs and kids and so is the world. While I won't shame her for the way she feels about her dog, it's wrong for her to imply that anyone with a dog that has kids is going to feel the same way.

Edited by melzawelza
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I'll commend her for her honestly.

The pounds are full of dogs who, through no fault of their own, have become "inconvenient" to their owners. My guess is that some of those dog owners are in similar situations to the author.

If it stops ONE family from buying a dog when perhaps their commitment won't be a strong one, then I think the story was worth telling. Like it or not, there are many "it's just a dog" families out there. Educating people on the perils of juggling dogs and young family is worthwhile IMO.

I hear what you're saying, but stopping people buying dogs full stop means it stops people buying dogs from pounds too, which only makes the pound situation worse.

Most people manage their dog/s and kid/s just fine, so to discourage hordes of people from potentially adopting a poundie that needs a home NOW to prevent a small amount from maybe being rehomed (and possibly never entering the pound system anyway) only makes the problem worse.

Most of the dogs in the pounds weren't surrendered anyway. They escaped, and the owners either never found them or a lot of them struggle to afford to get them out. Lots of those poundies are wanted, but don't go home unfortunately.

I think the article's message is important but needs to be framed in a much less black and white way. This thread is full of people that have both dogs and kids and so is the world. While I won't shame her for the way she feels about her dog, it's wrong for her to imply that anyone with a dog that has kids is going to feel the same way.

I doubt this story will discourage many people. If it makes them think, I'll consider that enough.

I'd like to see the stats that suggest most pound dogs are wanted by their owners. The research I've seen suggests otherwise.

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While I cannot ever understand her feelings I can only say that she sounds like someone who is completely overwhelmed & unable to cope with her dog, her children & much else.

More common than most people realise.

While I & the rest of the dog loving people here may never feel that way some people just do. It is very sad.

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As a breeder sadly I see this often enough to make me hesitate to sell to a young couple before they have had children.

Every single time I get an enquiry I think of Jasper who was a puppy from my very first litter I sold to a young couple because they weren't quite ready to have children and wanted a new family member. For about 4yrs he lived a dream life, doted on member of the family and then they had children. As they had more children his life got worse and worse until he was living as an outside dog, kept separate from the family because they didn't have time for him and he was dirty and not good with the children. I tried my very best to get him back but they LOVED him, yeah right. I will always regret not just taking him the time I visited and nobody was home, I would now days. When he was about 9yrs old they had him pts for barking even though I had just been there a couple of mths prior and offered him a home once again, absolutely broke my heart. The only happy point is about 2mths after he was pts they e-mailed me looking for a puppy, obviously didn't realise who I was and I was able to make sure that no breeder sold them anything.

I wish I could say the above story is a one off but I know a number of breeders who have had a similar situation and we all screen our buyers very well

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Allow me to cheer you all up a bit. I know someone who has an elderly dog. When she was pregnant she asked for advice about gettin a pen. I said it might be a good idea. That way the dog would be safe. She said, 'Not for my dog. I was thinking of putting the baby in there. I don't want the baby to bother the dog.'

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