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Darien

Time To Say Goodbye

27 posts in this topic

Darien   

As some of you may know my beautiful Kiska has advanced bladder cancer, and I believe the time has now come to say goodbye, no matter how much I don't want to lose her. She will be 14 in August and sleeps a lot more now anyway, but she has now become lethargic and sad. She rarely wants to play with my other dog maggie and her urine output has slowed down. She is still eating ok, but its the sadness and tiredness I can't bear to watch and it will only get worse now.

The problem I have is with my husband, as he says she is fine for a while longer and that she looks alert etc. It's true, sometimes she does look alert, but it's getting fewer times now. I need for him to see it for himself and to not cause Kiska any more grief. She has been a beautiful girl and I don't want to watch her go any further downhill. What would you do?He just won't see it and I don't know how to make him see it. I could and will make him go to the vet with me and get the vet to talk to him, but I would prefer to use that as a last resort.....he has to let go too. for her and his sake, no matter how much it hurts crying.gif

I took Kiska to the vet today to have a talk to him about Kiska and he said she is fine for the moment, she is eating, urinating and still looks alert and happy. He assured me if he thought differently he would tell me and I know he would. I have such a fear of her going downhill so quickly with the cancer like my Jenna did, that I am getting quite paranoid about it all. he took some more blood to check her kidney for me, I'll get the results tomorrow, he also gave me his home number to call him if anything happens after hours. I feel much more assured now and will let you all know how my beautiful girl goes.

I know I don't have long with her, so I will stop stressing over her and love and enjoy what time I have left.

Edited by Darien

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Dogsfevr   

He isn't ready to accept it but it doesn't mean your girl should suffer .

His biggest regret will be not wishing it was done at the right time .

Like many owners our first time we wanted longer & longer the biggest regret we ever had & we let our dog down bigtime by being so selfish & not listening to her .All those years of of joy & we couldn't reward her with her wings when she needed it.

We have never made that mistake since & have felt very happy with the time each one has gone & making it easier to accept & deal with .

We never want our best friends to go but there is nothing more special we can do then let them run free

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When a dog (or a person for that matter) is gradually declining and you see them all the time, you don't realise how bad it is.

Someone who hasn't seen Kiska for a while would be shocked and that shock might reset your husband's idea of what is acceptable.

Do you have a friend who can visit and comment loudly how awful she looks and must be feeling in front of your husband?

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As some of you may know my beautiful Kiska has advanced bladder cancer, and I believe the time has now come to say goodbye, no matter how much I don't want to lose her. She will be 14 in August and sleeps a lot more now anyway, but she has now become lethargic and sad. She rarely wants to play with my other dog maggie and her urine output has slowed down. She is still eating ok, but its the sadness and tiredness I can't bear to watch and it will only get worse now.

The problem I have is with my husband, as he says she is fine for a while longer and that she looks alert etc. It's true, sometimes she does look alert, but it's getting fewer times now. I need for him to see it for himself and to not cause Kiska any more grief. She has been a beautiful girl and I don't want to watch her go any further downhill. What would you do?He just won't see it and I don't know how to make him see it. I could and will make him go to the vet with me and get the vet to talk to him, but I would prefer to use that as a last resort.....he has to let go too. for her and his sake, no matter how much it hurts crying.gif

gentle hugs to you Darien

My parents are doing the same too :(

Their Cardigan Corgi is almost 15 yrs old and sleeps most of the day/night & when she is awake, walks around in a confused state...both Mum & Dad can't or rather won't see Megan for how she is and being their last dog, both parents are now into their 70's, are finding hard to approach the idea of the final goodbye.

Sadly a bit like your husband, it will take something to happen & the vet to talk to them, rather than them make the final choice themselves... :(

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I've been down this road too. You might sometimes wonder if you made the decision too early but you will always fully regret leaving it too late.

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Ranga   

I've been down this road too. You might sometimes wonder if you made the decision too early but you will always fully regret leaving it too late.

Exactly. I only ever once left it too long ... Never again.

((Hugs)) Darien - it's never easy :(

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Yes I only once left it too long too for my cat George. And I've regretted it ever since. frown.gif I won't let that happen again.

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oh, Darien ... a :hug: for you and your old girl ... don't delay , it will lead to all sorts of feelings /memories that you don't need .

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The bravest gift of LOVE is letting the dog go although your heart is broken.

As gently but as firmly as you can, let Kiska's Daddy know, he must be brave for her.

Together both of you must allow this sweet gal her dignity to cross to The Rainbow Bridge.

I speak from the heart with the saddest of memories. But I also know in my heart, we managed the right time especially for our Tibor who we lost in December.

I shall think of you all and hope for peace.

:grouphug::heart::grouphug:

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Darien   

Thank you all so much, I will talk to my hubby today and make a decision for my beloved girl. I too left one one of my BC's for too long and have always regretted it, not for my girl now. She will only continue to go downhill now and I want to remember her as she is now, loving and faithful. Bless you all for your heartfelt thoughts.

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As some of you may know my beautiful Kiska has advanced bladder cancer, and I believe the time has now come to say goodbye, no matter how much I don't want to lose her. She will be 14 in August and sleeps a lot more now anyway, but she has now become lethargic and sad. She rarely wants to play with my other dog maggie and her urine output has slowed down. She is still eating ok, but its the sadness and tiredness I can't bear to watch and it will only get worse now.

The problem I have is with my husband, as he says she is fine for a while longer and that she looks alert etc. It's true, sometimes she does look alert, but it's getting fewer times now. I need for him to see it for himself and to not cause Kiska any more grief. She has been a beautiful girl and I don't want to watch her go any further downhill. What would you do?He just won't see it and I don't know how to make him see it. I could and will make him go to the vet with me and get the vet to talk to him, but I would prefer to use that as a last resort.....he has to let go too. for her and his sake, no matter how much it hurts crying.gif

My thoughts are with you for I have made the journey several times...........and the thing I now know and hold strongly is it is better a day too soon than a day too late..........we have to do it for our loved companions, the last gift we can give them

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I find that men in general are usually unable to cope with making this decision. Yes, there are exceptions but over and over I see men resisting when the women in their life are able to face the inevitable. You have to do what is right for your girl and that means telling your husband that you ARE taking her to be pts and he can come with you or not, he can come in while it is done or wait in the car. Those are his decisions, whether to release your girl from her pain is not up to him, it is the decision of the rational person and that is you. I also find once they are told that the decision has been made, they accept it. It is being part of the decision process that they resist.

I feel for you as I and many women I know have been in the same position over and over again. Stick to what you know is the right thing to do and let her go. The only dog I have had a regret about having pts was my last and that was because I left it a week too long. If I could go back and do it again, I would not make her suffer through that last week and she was only 10, not an oldie.

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Malamum   

I'm sorry that an already hard decision is being made so much harder for your Darien.

We went though this late last year and thankfully the OH and I were on exactly the same page.

They way we looked at it is that we wanted Indy to go out on somewhat of a high (or as high as it could be considering his health issues). We didn't want to wait until he was miserable all of the time and my biggest fear was that he would get himself into trouble one day (his legs were getting weaker and weaker) while we were at work and then he would be scared and in pain for hours on his own and I knew I'd never forgive myself if that happened.

We were at the point where we knew it was only a matter of weeks and we forced ourselves to talk about it often but then one Sunday night he had an incident where he wore himself out so much that he couldn't get up that we immediately decided that the next day needed to be it. It was hard as he was more alert and had regained his strength by that next morning but we still knew it was the right thing to do. He was calm and happy when he went and that's all we wanted for him.

Edited by Malamum

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WeimMe   

My beautiful girl declined very suddenly at the age of 14 and my vet helped us to make the decision to let her go. She said that dogs have dignity and I knew that she was right and the time had come to let her go with dignity. It was very very difficult, but I knew that her condition was causing her distress and that she would only deteriorate further. Do you have a good relationship with your vet? Perhaps she can help to make your husband understand.

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Tassie   

:( So sorry Darien = that's an extra problem you don't need.

Is your OH a list maker - he might respond to some sort of list of good quality/bad quality - not well expressed, but you know what I mean. Sometimes the time is when the good days are outweighed by the bad - or the things that make the dog who she is are outweighed by the problems.

Then some people plan beautiful last days for their dog - trip to a favourite place, favourite forbidden foods etc.

Have you had the conversation about what you want to do in relation to vet's office/home and burial/cremation. Apart from the fact that I find it helpful to have those things in place before hand, it may make the situation more real for him.

Off to cuddle my two - :grouphug: to you and your gorgeous girl.

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Darien   

I had a very teary and distressful conversation with my husband this morning, I told him I wanted Kiska to go now before she goes down any further and she will, as the cancer is not going to go away. I told him I did not want to see her deteriate any further, she will still sometimes try and play and give me cheek, but it is getting fewer and fewer times now. I'm pretty sure I got through to him now.

I have a great relationship with my vet and I know he would advise the same thing. We will have her cremated, along with all my other Border Collies.

Once again, thank you all very much. It will be done within the next week and I know I will be heart broken yet again crying.gif

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HazyWal   

I gave my old boy his wings at age 16, he had been very healthy up until age 14 when arthritis hit him hard. I always said to my vet that I would never keep him alive for me and I stuck to that when he was diagnosed with a large tumour on his liver. I could have taken other options but the outcome was going to be the same so I let him go :cry: Huge hugs sent your way at this hard time :grouphug:

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Tassie   

You know what I'm saying when I say it's good that you had that conversation, and that he seems to understand. Hopefully that will make what's coming just that little bit less stressful and distressing. Sending you our best BC mojo for strength and peace. You will have wonderful memories of Kiska to join those of the others who've gone before her. :(

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