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Isabel964

Might Seem A Stupid Question

22 posts in this topic

Hello, I have had dogs and cats my whole life and Ive had to let many go to the rainbow bridge. Right now I have 2 dogs and 3 cats - I just adore them and they all get along so beautifully.

My kelpie is 15 and fragile but doing great all things considered. Not easy to see them decline, but thats how it is.

2 weeks ago my Westie, nearly 10 years old was diagnosed with 3 months to live with a tumour in her neck, in the spinal cord. Just completely shocking and devastating.

My Ragdoll has this morning been diagnosed with Bowel Cancer. She is 11.

I am so devastated. I know logically that their end would come, but I am having some trouble coping emotionally, and three around the same time is really tough - I'll be ok, but I keep getting teary out of the blue for the last 2 weeks. Thats ok, thats not the problem.

I would like to be there with them, when they are put to sleep.

But I find it so devastating, I am a blubbering emotional wreck not coping - I might not be coping at all when in the room with them.

I do not think I can pull myself together - as much as I want to.

But I don't think I can let them go without me being there - that doesn't seem right.

Have any of you had to deal with this? How did you find a way a way to cope?

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Vehs   

Hello, I have had dogs and cats my whole life and Ive had to let many go to the rainbow bridge. Right now I have 2 dogs and 3 cats - I just adore them and they all get along so beautifully.

My kelpie is 15 and fragile but doing great all things considered. Not easy to see them decline, but thats how it is.

2 weeks ago my Westie, nearly 10 years old was diagnosed with 3 months to live with a tumour in her neck, in the spinal cord. Just completely shocking and devastating.

My Ragdoll has this morning been diagnosed with Bowel Cancer. She is 11.

I am so devastated. I know logically that their end would come, but I am having some trouble coping emotionally, and three around the same time is really tough - I'll be ok, but I keep getting teary out of the blue for the last 2 weeks. Thats ok, thats not the problem.

I would like to be there with them, when they are put to sleep.

But I find it so devastating, I am a blubbering emotional wreck not coping - I might not be coping at all when in the room with them.

I do not think I can pull myself together - as much as I want to.

But I don't think I can let them go without me being there - that doesn't seem right.

Have any of you had to deal with this? How did you find a way a way to cope?

Wow, what a really tough time you are having :(

I didn't cope, I was just a blubbering mess after and that was ok. I think when the time is right the animals won't mind that you are crying.

Maybe see if someone will be able to drive you home after the event.

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JayGee   

Isabel, yes blubbering mess here too. But in saying that, I think you can make sure that the passing is beautiful, with lovely memories. Speak to your vet who will be caring for your pets. Ask how he/she euthanases, will they come to your home so that both you and your pet are in a safe, familiar environment? Does the Vet have any holidays coming up so that you know if they are going to be available when you need them, or do you need to form a relationship with someone else at the practice? We had the most beautiful experience last year when my old dobe had cancer. We had a good relationship with both partners at the Clinic. When the time came, we discussed the process, he told our old girl he was going to give her the best party drugs. Having been through the experience before, I felt that we coped better being at home, rather than the clinic. I am still thankful for our Vet making it an occasion. She went to sleep with her favourite ice cream, happy. I wish you and your family all the best, will be thinking of you.

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JulesP   

Yeah I went through a stage like this. Lots of pets that all got old at the same time. It was traumatic. I had 2 old dogs and an old cat pass in a short period of time and then lost a younger dog from an accident and then had to have a young cat PTS. And another dog diagnosed with a terminal illness.

I did them all a bit differently. One dog didn't like the vets so I had him PTS at home. The other dog loved the vets so she went to them, luckily I had a friend come with me for that one. My old cat passed in her sleep. My younger dog died in the car on the way to the emergency vets. I couldn't stay with the younger cat, I was too traumatised at that stage. I would have stayed if I felt I would be a comfort to him but didn't think he really cared about my presence. I do regret not staying though.

One of the worst things was filling in all the council rego forms to say they had passed away.

Blubbering mess btw. Picking up ashes - also blubbering mess. Have trouble reading the rainbow bridge section of the site now. And it all pretty much comes back when someone else loses a pet now. They do leave their paw prints on your heart.

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No advice, Isabel. I just wanted to add my sympathies. Huge burden of loss for you. I am sure when the time comes, you will find the strength necessary and I hope you are given a choice as to where your farewells are said. Sometimes it is taken out of our hands, though.

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CHA   

I am so sorry you are in this situation, its never easy but you will cope, somehow we do. Make the most of the time you still have together, enjoy their last days. It is a privilege to see them through the end of their lives and it is ok to be a blubbering mess, its because you love them.

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Oh gosh. It's such a personal thing and entirely up to you - you know you can decide to go with them and then leave the room if it's all too much for you.

You can have a chat to your vet about options. As a few people have said you can have a home visit set up and there are a few other options which might make it easier for you to say good bye.

I also think I'm *lucky* in that I cleaned kennels and did reception for a vet for years - I can't say I've seen it all - but I've seen a lot of euth and I have very strong views on it having seen pets come and go which I personally think should have been PTS earlier or were PTS for reasons I disagreed with - I learnt to personally prepare myself for it. I hasten to add - I would never comment on someones decision on when or why to PTS - unless it was something very off like "we're going on a holiday:.

Anyhow, I found that I managed to pull something from somewhere to be with the last few dogs I've said good bye to - but I felt really guilty about the last cat - I just couldn't stay. I just had to leave here there. Maybe that's because I knew it was coming with the dogs but the last few cats I've lost have been sudden. I think too - with my last dog she'd been unwell for about 18 months on and off - I actually spent 3 days in bed bawling at the beginning of that process as I thought that was the end - the next 18 months were bonus time. But the week we decided she was going we spoiled her, snuggled, took photos, fed her BBQ chook every night, and I cried every. single. day. I'd get in the car after work and cry the whole way home. I'd get up in the morning and wake her - and cry. It was just ... urhg.... That morning we took her for a lovely little walk that morning and let her special family members say good bye. it was the only time in my entire life I've seen my dad cry (*and I'm crying now too). Then while she was out with family having cuddles I popped in and paid for everything - the nurse knew why we were there (and I'm so lucky it was the vet I'd worked for before - so she was kind of like family) then when it was all said and done we were left to go when it suited us. Which I appreciated.

But I do think that's a key thing - if you can - pay before it happens - pay for the euth and the cremation or what ever you're doing and have it over and done with - that way you can walk out of the place in a haze and not think about it and when the ashes come back (if that's what you do) you can even send someone else to get them for you if you need to.

Fast forward a few months and I made the "mistake" of adopting an older and now I get teary thinking about the fact I get limited time with him.

:heart: Anyhow, I'm really sorry to hear / see what you're going through. Try to enjoy your time with them.

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*Avanti*   

I feel for you and your situation Isabel. I lost my two Lab girls last year, the first one had to be euthanised because her system was on the verge of collapse. It took a lot of courage and tears but I stayed with her and cuddled her while the vet gave her the injection. I stroked her head gently whilst whispering to her that she was 'the best dog in the world'. Although it was hard I felt some peace for having stayed with her to the end. The other dog died in her sleep in hospital which was possibly more difficult to cope with because I never got to say goodbye and had not predicted it even though in hindsight I should have been prepared.

Sending my blessings, it is not easy and its hard to know what to say to comfort. :heart:

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Thank you all so much. Im in tears reading your responses. What we all go through!

I love the time we all had together and I'd do it all over again - and I will - its just so hard.

And like a couple of you, I did have one cat, the most recent that went to the rainbow bridge a few years back - he was very sick and was i and out of the vet - we knew the end was near - he was in there on an IV for fluids and the vey who had a relationship with him called and said, its not getting any better this time, I think it might be time. Well I couldn't bear being there and I was so gutted about the whole thing, so she put him to sleep without me - I told myself he knew and liked her so it was ok - plus I didn't know how I would cope.

But my gosh I have regretted that. I never said goodbye. I said I'd pick him up in a couple of days and I didn't. so I can never do that again.

Thank you for your kind words and sharing your stories. It really helps. Ive been crying at the drop of a hat for a couple of weeks, I cry in the car, tears just flow, I get teary in the shops, I cry and I cry and I cry.

When we left the vets a few days ago with one of our cats in the carpark was a family that had obviously just sent somebody to the rainbow bridge. It was a dog and the daughter, about 20 was just a complete mess and I cried so much seeing that - for about two days straight!

Argggghhh. Well it is what it is, and our hearts ache but we focus on the joy. My three babies are still with me and happy and I treasure every moment.

Its a curious thing about how we feel better when we share something with people we know totally understand.Thank you.

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:(

I think if you feel you may have to walk out of the room the best thing might be if you could ask for sedation so you can say your last goodbyes before the vet puts to sleep. Nothing ever makes it easier but I always feel a little better that they are kind of 'dreamy' and not picking up on my crying and shaking when I kiss them goodbye.

And make sure you spoil them beforehand, with any food or treats they love or haven't been allowed to eat because of health worries. :heart:

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I recently euthanased a dog for a client. She wanted to be there for the dog closing his eyes, but didn't want to be there when he actually passed. We anaesthetised the dog in her arms and when he was fast asleep, she kissed him and left, then we gave him the euthanasia solution. That may be an option for you?

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Boronia   

A few weeks ago I was at the vets when a woman and her husband came in with a lovely standard poodle.

They were there to say goodbye as her dog had collapsed from heart disease.

They paid and left.

My vet and the nurse carried the dog to the consult room.

I was next to see the vet...she told me that the beautiful dog had to be euthanised, they gave her some liver teats and the nurse cuddled and talked to her while she went to a better place.

My vet was moved as she had been treating her for some time.

That lovely dog did pass over knowing she was loved and in someone’s arms.

So your dogs can be treated with respect and love even though you are not there Isabel.

I do like Working Dog Lover's solution though, it seems to be a gentle solution.

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Isabel I went through this with my 16 year old westie Mac last November at home. It wasn't easy but I found it much easier than at the vet clinic. At home also put me in control and while I'm not a control freak, I still found it helpful as it allowed me to plan.

So I planned his last day so it was a great day for him and as easy as possible for me. After a last night in my bed, he had a morning snuggle with his Grandma who stayed the night. We spent the day doing the things he loves and he ate whatever he liked - blue cheese was high on his menu as was a walk in the Macmobile and a potter around the park. He had a late afternoon snooze on my lap before two friends popped in to say good bye and take Sarah and Andy (my other two westies) for a playdate at their place. Then his Godparents arrived to spend an hour with him and see him on his way.

He died at 6.20 pm with his favourite people around him, people who loved and adored him - his Grandma, his Godparents and of course me. He died on my lap quietly and peacefully after such heavy sedation that he was snoring! Then the lovely pet cremation lady arrived to take him, covered in a basket. Sarah and Andy then arrived back from their playdate about half an hour later.

The vet and his favourite vet nurse were marvellous. It took a little while for Sarah and Andy to realise that Mac was gone - but it seemed it was more confusion than distress and lasted about 24 hours. Sarah in particular looked for him the following evening. For me managing the other westies was really important. I decided since this was my last hour or so with Mac and I didn't know how Sarah and Andy would react, they were better off elsewhere. But others decide to have them present.

Mac arrived home the following Thursday in a lovely wooden box, complete with his leg plate which I had completely forgotten about.

The vet nurse offered to hold him while he was sedated and put to sleep but I wanted to do it myself - and hard though it was I was very glad I did. But that's me and might not work for others.

Anyway everyone is different - but that's the way I organised the day and it's one I'll never forget. And now I'm crying again... hope that helps Isabel and that you can at least plan. I found the planning very helpful. Of course if events overtake you then it will naturally need to run a different course.

.

Edited by westiemum

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Very sad to hear of your situation :(

It never is a easy decision to have to make

I never thought I could be with mine at the end , but after reading DOL many years ago , I think it helped me accept what I needed to do for them

Sam my first one was just over 14 yrs and we knew a decision was coming up the next day as his back legs were really giveing up on him , that night was hard when I layed with him on the floor and the look in his eyes , he I think was telling me it was time , that night I cried myself to sleep with what I had to do for him , he took that decision away from me and passed away during the night in his comfortable spot at home

Tara was just over 15 yrs and I hesitated makeing that decision ,but her quality of life was not there anymore , she had Dementia , was deaf and almost totally blind , so I made that decision for her ( again I learnt from DOL I needed to do it for her ) , I cried and cried once I had made that appointment for her to have her final breath at home , that morning I had some tears but then seem to become stronger for her sake as didnt want her senceneing my grief , we had her favourite treats and lots of cuddles , then she had the sedation , and more cuddles then the final one and then she passed in my arms , then my tears started again , she passed in her home and known surroundings , the vet let me carry her to his car before he took her away

Tynka she was not quite 9 yrs old and had agressive Lymphoma , she was given aprox a month to live but lasted just over 3 months , my tears flowed many a time for her , but the night before I knew she was ready to leave , so the appointment was made for home the next day , my tears continued that morning , but again became stronger for her and we had some treats and cuddles , but she did it her way and passed away in my arms at home while having a cuddle and telling her how much I loved her , 3 hours prior to the vet coming to my home , then of course the tears started again as I cleaned her up and had more cuddles before she was picked up by AWL

It is a hard time , as we all have experienced it but you might find that extra strenght to be there on their final journey , I didnt think I could but was thankfull I was there for them , I bawled my eyes out before and after and even when they came back home in their urns

I also had planned and organised things for urns etc before as knew afterwards it would be more confronting

Big hugs to you

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Its a horrible predicament we have to face when owning pets crying.gif

All my past dogs, i took to the vets to give them their wings. I could never be there at the actual time though. I just couldn't handle it

A few years ago we had to have one of our Cavalier 'Joey' put down as he developed a brain tumour (it was all very sudden and unexpected) Within a few months of being told we had to make the decision. We had a local vet organised to come to our house to do it, but had to get her to come earlier as he went down hill very quickly.

I did stay in the room (loungeroom) but my husband held him while the vet put the needle in... But i had to look away and put my hand over my mouth as i was very emotional and did not want him to hear me cry (Joey)

We let our others dog come and sniff him afterwards before we buried him

Last Friday we had to give our old cavalier 'Renae' her wings (she was diagnosed with a large tumour last year near her liver) . She had fought it longer than what the vet expected her too.. Earlier last week she had a couple small seizures but bounced back but by Friday very early in the morning, she had a big one that left her in a very bad way. Again we got the vet come to our house (the same one) They are just down the road from us. I patted Renae and told her i loved her (she was out of it mentally by this stage and couldn't even look at me) and my husband helped the vet while i sat on the sofa watching and once again trying hard not to cry.. i did make some small crying noises through out it.. We let our 2 younger Cavs sniff her (one of them had stayed with her laying close to her until the vet came) and then we buried her next to Joey.

Its the toughest part of owning them and even though i am always traumatized by the actual process of staying with them while they are given the injection, i am glad i do now. Our vet is lovely and talks us through it and makes sure we are completely ready before she goes ahead crying.gif

I was fortunate that both times my Husband was home with us. I had been worrying that if this had happened later than sooner i would have to face it on my own as my husband is waiting to go back into hospital for another op soon.. so that would have made it even more difficult had her time been then instead of now.

My heart goes out to you.. heart.gif

Edited by Jules❤3Cavs

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Tassie   

That is beautifully written Jules. I just wanted to say I'm sorry you had to say goodbye to your dear Renae .. but glad to hear that she continued to have a good life for longer than you expected .. a tribute to your care. I hope your husband's operation and recovery go well.

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swazzie   

I went through this last year with our beloved 7 yr old lab.

We found a lovely vet( not our regular one) who was willing to come out to our house on a Sunday morning at 9am.

We sat with him all morning and said our goodbyes, the other dog was there as well as our 3yr old.

Hub and I were a mess but it was actually quiet peaceful .

We held his paw at the time of injection and let the other dog sniff him for as long as she wanted afterwards. The vet was amazing even down to sorting all the paperwork beforehand, which seems logical to do , but it helped at the time as I couldn't even speak afterwards.

I was so glad afterwards we didn't choose to bring him to the vet to do it, nothing wrong with doing that ,it's just for me it felt like he wasn't distressed leaving the house etc as he could barely move at the end.

We buried him out the back and had a little funeral , mostly so our son would understand.

Good luck with it, my heart goes out to you xx

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A bit of an update. All your advice has helped. Our 15 year old kelpie declined and I wanted a vet to come to the house to euthanase. The clinic said they were too busy and short staffed but they would come out first thing in the morning. My mistake here was leaving it too late and not booking the visit in advance. Hard to do though. I decided to wait till morning rather put her in the car - her legs were not good in cars and she hadn't been in one for 18 months. I got home visits for her vet checks.

I held her all night. That night she shook at timrs, and hyperventilated. It was an exhausting night.

She made it through the morning and was calm and resting when the vet came. She was lovely and was sent to the rainbow bridge in my arms and in her bed, with the family around. I wish it happened the day before and will be wary next time. She lived a full wonderful life and a good number of years.

We lost Ellie a week later, our 20 year old ragdoll cat. She had vowel cancer. I did ask her to be sedated, but after the vet sedated her he then said 'she may get nauseous'. Well she did and do her last bit of time was her feeling awfully sick. Seeing her retch again and again was awfull.

Wish the vet told me beforehand because I would have chosen not to have it. But she found sunbeams every day. My son fed her teaspoons of food and refused to let her go. I had to work hard to get him to realise letting her was needed and the best thing.bu now I was exhausted after looking after my kelpie and my ragdoll.

Jindi my Westie, given 3 months to live in January, is still with us nearly 7-8 months later as today is the 1st of August. Her confition has deteriorated but she is having a good quality of life.

She is now on 4 different medications. We had to stop one because if internal bleeding (Poo goes a dark colour, almost black). But then her pain was out of control do she is back on it but only once every 4 days and she is doing ok.

I work from home two days a week and she goes to a wonderful Doggy day care 2-3 days a week. They adore her there. They give her midday medication, they really pamper her. She is often sitting in the lap of the receptionist.

She wears little booties the protect her nails because two feet drag and the booties protect them from breaking, the discus list jerks giving me 30 days of medication and I have to get it compounded because she is only little, the dose isn't standard. My husband brings her to watch the now 9 month old rescue puppy in obedience training - we don't let have a moment of fret or concern or sadness if we can help it,

So she is doing well. We put her on a grain free dry food diet with protein like salmon, chicken, beef. We put her on tumeric. There is so much info out there on fighting cancer. We can't stop the tumour that is growing in her spinal cord but we have slowed it down.

She can't have more medication the cocktail she is in from the specialists. Do now it's a matter of time and monitoring her quality of life. My little ray of sunshine doesn't deserve to live with pain and that is heartbreaking. She seems happy still and that's what matters. She will be my third devastating loss this year and it's almost too much.

But we have to cope. We find the strength. I'm so glad I found the courage and strength to hold my Kelpue Punpun in my arms. I'm so glad I did that. So j know I'll do the same with Jindi, I will likely be a complete basket case and this will be the hardest of the three. But I'll get through it and thank all the lovely people her for all support. The support on this forum is wonderful,

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