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NikkiandKane

What should I do?

34 posts in this topic

Firstly, I have plenty of time to think about this but I would love to hear some other dog lovers points of view on this.

 

for those of you who know my journey, I lost my 5 month old boy Kane last Thursday, turns out his death was a result of post surgery complications of his bowel obstruction surgery he had in May.

 

i loved him with all of my heart. I feel like there could never be another dog like him. He was so smart and sweet and gentle.

 

the breeder we got him from, who does have genetic testing certificates etc for Kane’s parents has offered me pick of their next litter free of charge.

 

it is a beautiful gesture and I am very tempted. I have to be honest and say that I am somewhat scared by the issues I dealt with with Kane but even more so for having lost him.

 
there is a hole in my heart and I’m not sure if it’s possible to fill with another dog, even Kane’s sibling. His parents have beautiful temperaments and his sister from his same litter also has a gorgeous nature. 
 

is this my best chance to have another dog as wonderful as Kane in around a years time or would this set me up for heartbreak when this dog obviously isn’t Kane?

 

i guess no one can know the answer and there is no pressure to make a choice right now, I’m wondering though, if it were you, would you accept the offer and why?

 

thanks everyone, the support here has been magnificent.

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JRG   

Every dog is different, so you need to reconcile yourself to the fact that there will never be another Kane.  Dogs come and go, each of them occupies a special place in your heart, some you like a lot, some not so much,, but each is special in its own way, and each takes with it a part of you and leaves a part of itself behind.

Once you can accept this, I am sure you can find the love in your heart for another dog - not another Kane.

Please believe me when I say that there are many dogs out there just waiting for the love you can give,  please don’t go looking for a replacement for the dog you lost, accept your new puppy for the wonderful animal it is not for what it might have been.

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Don't feel the need to rush into anything. You'll know when you're ready, don't push yourself to be ready sooner :heart: When you do add a new little life into your home, you won't be replacing Kane nor will it change your feelings towards him, so do what feels right for you at the time 

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A new dog is certainly NOT a 'replacement '..it is a NEW beginning - someone different, a new challenge ..new tailwags, new mischief, new ways of showing love .
You will start to sort this out when GRIEF start to be a bit less brutal , and yr brain can have a bit of thinking room. 
Do you want a puppy who reminds you of Kane in looks/manners every day? 
Do you want the memories ? 
Are you willing to accept another puppy may be the complete opposite? 
Lots on which to ponder :):hug:

 

It is a very generous offer ...and definitely worth considering ...

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Rebanne   

I would be asking your vet some very serious questions re the health issues Kane had and the chances a full sibling ( I am assuming ) will present with the same. Not so much the bowel obstruction but the skin problems. When would the next litter be?

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1 minute ago, Rebanne said:

When would the next litter be?

Not for probably 12 months. Thanks for the advice

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43 minutes ago, persephone said:

Do you want a puppy who reminds you of Kane in looks/manners every day? 
Do you want the memories ? 
Are you willing to accept another puppy may be the complete opposite? 

These are the exact questions running through my mind. I think with time the answer will become clearer to me. Right now I’m not sure. I mean yesterday I never wanted another puppy at all! 
definitely all good for thought. It’s so helpful to hear your thoughts:)

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Diva   

Sometimes getting the opposite gender and even a different colour can help your heart stop expecting the second pup to be like the first. I would be concerned about getting the same health issues though, especially if it is a full sibling. Not the blockage, but the rest. 

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34 minutes ago, Diva said:

I would be concerned about getting the same health issues though, especially if it is a full sibling.

Yes..that thought would steer me away, for sure!  Generous offer, or not. :( 

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juice   

I wouldn’t rush into it yet , you have time . 

The best dog I ever owned I lost a few years ago and i still find it hard to see another dally out walking . I would never have another because he was perfect . I wish everyday I could have him back . 

You might find another dog just lands in your lap and is meant to be . 

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2 hours ago, Diva said:

Sometimes getting the opposite gender and even a different colour can help your heart stop expecting the second pup to be like the first. I would be concerned about getting the same health issues though, especially if it is a full sibling. Not the blockage, but the rest. 

Yes, I have the same concerns. They have invited me to visit their dogs, even Kane’s sister that they kept and see their skin. They promise me no allergies. 
also I would have definitely dealt with his allergies, no matter the cost for my boy. It would’ve been a small price to pay (even if it was a high price) for the beautiful nature. 
I read the genetic testing certificates of his parents and a lot of info on breed specific genetic testing and cannot see allergies listed.

anyhow, I’m a researcher and there is no rush.

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1 hour ago, persephone said:

that thought would steer me away, for sure!  Generous offer, or not. :( 

I think whichever way you look at it, it is intended to be a kind offer. 

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18 minutes ago, NikkiandKane said:

it is intended to be a kind offer. 

Oh :) I think it is a wonderful offer- very kind and thoughtful . 

 

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I'd jump back in if you are convinced that health risks are low.  IMO the best cure for the empty spot is another dog.  It's impossible not to love a puppy, and if you set your mind to it you can celebrate the pup you lost by loving the new one. 

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I discovered in my research last night that even when both parents are free from atopy or the contributing genes which cause issues with skin barrier, they still have an 11% chance of having a pup with atopy.

we aren’t sure that’s what Kane had, in fact his may have been food allergy. We never got the chance to challenge the chicken, we were literally just about to.

i think mostly, before I am ready to do anything, either way, I need to deal with my new anxieties. My daughter got her puppy (who is just lovely) and I find myself being unreasonably worried about him picking up things and eating them. 
I was looking back at old photos today and one was of Scout when I caught her ripping up a door mat, back then I just thought she was naughty but when I looked at it today I wondered how I didn’t freak out about her eating some of it. 
so basically, the skin issues are a risk I think I am prepared to take. They can be managed and the changes are relatively low we would have a pup with those issues but my fear of another obstruction is off the charts. Not sure how to deal with that, maybe it’s just time?


also someone mentioned getting a different sex to make pup her own person instead of too similar to Kane. I like that idea but would you get a female pup when you have a 6 year old desexed female (she would be 7 by then), she has no dog issues and loves everyone but does that just increase the risk of there being issues? Scout fretted for Kane for a day or two, lots of crying but looking at the picture below, I think she doesn’t mind having her whole bed back :laugh:

 

thanks again for all the support and just helping my brain work through all of this.

76FD48E3-424E-4035-96E3-7DC5F1A3E1F4.jpeg

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Rebanne   

When I had German Shepherds I only had bitches and I never had a moments worry with them. Over many years I had several different pairings. I think the oldest was around 7 or 8 when I introduced the next pup. Only ever had two GSD's at a time but also had a smaller crossbred bitch for many years so 3 bitches together. The main problem with bitches is, from what I have seen and read, is if they do decide to take a dislike to one another then it's for life.

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tdierikx   
10 hours ago, Rebanne said:

The main problem with bitches is, from what I have seen and read, is if they do decide to take a dislike to one another then it's for life.

I have this issue... my 2 girls need to be kept away from each other ALL the time.

 

The next pup I get will definitely be a laid back boy... and I already have the perfect breeder of my desired breed in mind.

 

As for getting another pup from Kane's breeder, I would probably take them up on that lovely offer... you will have some time to grieve for Kane and also to prepare for a new best mate to come into your life and help you heal even more.

 

Hugs at you...

 

T.

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Dogsfevr   

I wouldn’t think about it at present .

Let time go past and then decide 

 

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12 hours ago, Dogsfevr said:

I wouldn’t think about it at present .

Let time go past and then decide 

 

They told me that once they have a confirmed pregnancy they will be in touch, they don’t expect that to be for 9 months, so I don’t need to think about it. I keep pushing it out of my mind but it keeps coming back in. It feels nicer to think about than dwelling on my loss I guess. This time last week was a day like any other until about 30 minutes from now..... then it all changed and I’ve never cried so much since. 
 

 

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@NikkiandKane, I have not commented previously on your topics because I didn’t have any knowledge regarding Kane’s medical issues.  
 

You have suffered a great loss and a dearly loved dog has lost his life far far too early.  You have endured a time of physical, emotional and psychological upheaval.
 

My deepest deepest condolences to you.  Never ever chastise yourself or apologise to anyone for feeling as you do or for the tears you have shed and will shed.  You are on a forum where just about everyone understands what you are going through and wishes you only the best and know that only time starts the healing.  
 

It is wonderful and so precious that Kane’s breeders have offered you another puppy when the time comes.  While this is way in the future I am sure you will be having frissons of excitement at the prospect; when you have loved a dog as much as you loved Kane, the prospect of feeling that love again is very seductive and natural.  
 

Leave your heart open to that.  Who knows?  It might come sooner than another litter, life is never a straight line.  
 

In the meantime, please be assured that although we cannot take your pain and loss away, you and Kane are in our thoughts.  
 

 

 

 

 

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