Next Door Neighbours Kids Throwing Knives

[ILK]

Go talk to the Mom first and tell her about the knife. Then inform her that you would like to call the police and ask them to come have a talk with the youngster in hopes of scaring him straight, so to speak, since your OH's talk apparently did not work. If mom is OK with that then do exactly that. If not then let her know that if she or the father do not stop the knife throwing you will call the police and file a report if there should ever be another incident involving dangerous things being thrown over the fence. Do they own or rent the house? If they rent you can also inform her you will file a complaint with the property manager the next time something happens. Let her know that not only are you concerned about the safety of yourself, your OH, and your dogs but also for her children because you wouldn't want any of you ending up hurt because the kid is playing with such a sharp object.

Call the local police station and have a talk to them. If you get the right policeman he will rock around and give the kid a stern talking to. And that, I think, will cure the problem. If you can get a policeman to do this - and they should - but sometimes they wont - tell the mother what you have done. And tell her that nothing you have done so far has worked, it is very dangerous, you are not angry, but you can't allow it to continue.

With any luck, the talk by the policeman will stop it altogether.

Totally agree with JD19 and Jed's advice. This is a serious issue for everyone involved and the family needs help! It would be awful for any of your family or theirs to be hurt. I think it's really nice of you and your OH to show so much concern for your neighbours but I think it would definitely be appropriate to get the police involved.

Let us know what happens, and I really hope everyone is ok in the meantime.

PS. why do dogs always seem to think things that are dangerous for them are the most fun!!

Agreed. You clearly care about your neighbours feelings. She doesn't seem to be able to control this child at this point in time and needs some assistance. If someone on your side of the fence doesn't get hurt, eventually someone on her side will.

You will be doing these people and yourself a favour if you involve the police. Maybe even explain it to her before you do it so that she understands there is no malice involved. If my children were throwing knives I would completely understand if a person called the police. I would be horrified to find out my children were playing with knives in the first place as would most rational people.

[Kelly_Louise]

I can't believe that the mother didn't take this seriously and asked someone else to talk to her kids. That's not on, it's not your responsibility to discipline them.

I would go and talk to the mother again, and tell her that if it is not rectified, you are going to call the police. NO, you're not going to talk to the children - you don't feel it's your place and it hasn't been effective... But it is VERY serious and VERY dangerous, and you now have no choice, in the best interests of your own safety, and that of your dogs.

Maybe the threat will be enough for her to ensure they stop. If not, then you've given a warning - and then you can call the police and they should well expect it.

NO ONE, no matter how good friends you are, should be expected to deal with that.

[Snout Girl]

I agree that u have to act NOW! Looks like the Mum cant even control her own kids, this is weapon were talking about..and i reckon the police would be able to help u in this matter..

maybe they are throwing knife in their own house too! i mean, what kind of mother would allow their kids to even take a knife for playing?!

*shivers*

OH will be going in to the neighbours tonight (we both work so cant be done earlier). the father usually comes home around 6.30pm so he is going to wait until he comes home hoping for a better outcome.

i am hopeful, as since the father returned from OS the childrens rowdy behaviour has gotten better. they used to be outside at 11pm at night screaming and carrying on, the swear words that would drift over the fence during basketball were disgusting, and i am pretty sure a few of the boys didnt attend school. since dad came home, all this behaviour has ceased. so we are thinking he obviously has a measure of control and authroity over these kids so talking to him may be the solution.

OH will be a lot more forceful (for want of a better word) this time, and will be mentioning the police, all the dangers etc.

[spoilt lab lives here]

Id be onto the council and or the police because neighbourly relations or not that is not acceptable !If they wont listen to your Oh's stern warning or the mother what chance is there of getting them to stop it any other way.

[Jetty]

We have lived in our place for almost a year now, and get on extremely well with all our neighbours (both sides, and behind).

On one side we have a large family of 6 children, and until recently it was just the mum and grandmother, the dad was overseas (we think) but has come back.

The children are basically good kids, can be rambunctious (sp?) and a little loud and naughty but nothing that terrible.

their ages range from 1 year to 13 years.

we have helped this neghbour on numerous occasions (once when her baby was bleeding heavily following a circumcision, mums english isnt so good so we called ambulance and performed first aid etc).

they are always sending in home grown vegies etc. in turn, we dont complain when we have to throw their ball back 20 times a day and pretend we dont mind when they wake us up continually pushing the doorbell at 7am on a sunday morning wanting to pat the dogs

we have such a good relationship that makes my dilemma such a tough one.

a few weeks ago, i was supervising night time poos and wees with the dogs. i noticed sally VERY interested in chewing something near the clothes line. i investigated, and discoverd she was chewing the black handle end of a very large kitchen knife! ;) i was horrifed, thinking of the damage it could of caused if one of the dogs had swallowed it. i will admit, i was shocked to almost tears.

it could of only come from one place. the other side neighbours only have little babies and behind us is an older couple.

OH went in the next day, son of about 8 or 9 admitted throwing the knife, mum told OH to talk to him as 'they dont listen to me' (her words)

OH gave said child a stern talking to about the dangers of knife throwing, could hurt dogs, or if i had been outside hanging the washing and it could of hit me etc.

have had problems with these children before throwing food scraps over the fence for the dogs, played out the same as this incident where the mum told my OH to talk to the kids. that was also a problem as they began to throw onions and large seeded fruit that bert could choke on. luckily it stopped.

i had hoped that after the OH had spoken to the family that was the end of the knife throwing. unfortunately i was wrong.

the other day i was outside on poo patrol when i noticed sally trotting around looking very pleased with herself. upon investigation, it was another knife, but this one she had already chewed the black bit off (found that in the garden) and was carrying around the serrated edge!

i was furious! the first time i made all sorts of threats privately to OH about calling the police if it happened again, i was in shock, upset etc.

now that it has happened i dont know what to do.

talking to the mother doesnt help. talking to the kid doesnt help.

i am concerned about my dogs safety, but also that of my OH and I if we happen to be in the firing line of these flying knives.

it seems extreme to call the police on an 8 year old, the council would say it was a police matter.

i really dont know what to do

anyone been in a similar situation? what avenues do I have left?

Move.

Unfortunately we are not in a financial position to just up and move, as we have only been in this place for a year

I think that is a silly thing to suggest. If she moves it will just continue happening to the next people who move in. Running away from this will not solve the issue.

I think you are doing good about going and speaking to them when the father is home. I think you right by what your saying he sounds like he is in control of the household.

yikes, what a silly thing for the kids to be doing.

[natamalie]

We have lived in our place for almost a year now, and get on extremely well with all our neighbours (both sides, and behind).

On one side we have a large family of 6 children, and until recently it was just the mum and grandmother, the dad was overseas (we think) but has come back.

The children are basically good kids, can be rambunctious (sp?) and a little loud and naughty but nothing that terrible.

their ages range from 1 year to 13 years.

we have helped this neghbour on numerous occasions (once when her baby was bleeding heavily following a circumcision, mums english isnt so good so we called ambulance and performed first aid etc).

they are always sending in home grown vegies etc. in turn, we dont complain when we have to throw their ball back 20 times a day and pretend we dont mind when they wake us up continually pushing the doorbell at 7am on a sunday morning wanting to pat the dogs

we have such a good relationship that makes my dilemma such a tough one.

a few weeks ago, i was supervising night time poos and wees with the dogs. i noticed sally VERY interested in chewing something near the clothes line. i investigated, and discoverd she was chewing the black handle end of a very large kitchen knife! i was horrifed, thinking of the damage it could of caused if one of the dogs had swallowed it. i will admit, i was shocked to almost tears.

it could of only come from one place. the other side neighbours only have little babies and behind us is an older couple.

OH went in the next day, son of about 8 or 9 admitted throwing the knife, mum told OH to talk to him as 'they dont listen to me' (her words)

OH gave said child a stern talking to about the dangers of knife throwing, could hurt dogs, or if i had been outside hanging the washing and it could of hit me etc.

have had problems with these children before throwing food scraps over the fence for the dogs, played out the same as this incident where the mum told my OH to talk to the kids. that was also a problem as they began to throw onions and large seeded fruit that bert could choke on. luckily it stopped.

i had hoped that after the OH had spoken to the family that was the end of the knife throwing. unfortunately i was wrong.

the other day i was outside on poo patrol when i noticed sally trotting around looking very pleased with herself. upon investigation, it was another knife, but this one she had already chewed the black bit off (found that in the garden) and was carrying around the serrated edge!

i was furious! the first time i made all sorts of threats privately to OH about calling the police if it happened again, i was in shock, upset etc.

now that it has happened i dont know what to do.

talking to the mother doesnt help. talking to the kid doesnt help.

i am concerned about my dogs safety, but also that of my OH and I if we happen to be in the firing line of these flying knives.

it seems extreme to call the police on an 8 year old, the council would say it was a police matter.

i really dont know what to do

anyone been in a similar situation? what avenues do I have left?

Move.

Not the most helpful of suggestions. ;)

So sorry for your situation! It must be very draining to be worrying about it so much. Hopefully when your OH pops over there again the father will be more effective with providing the children some discipline. Other than that, I agree with others that you should speak to the police or the council so that there is some sort of record of what's going on, and your attempts to rectify the situation.

Best of luck!

[Snout Girl]

Not the most helpful of suggestions. ;)

So sorry for your situation! It must be very draining to be worrying about it so much. Hopefully when your OH pops over there again the father will be more effective with providing the children some discipline. Other than that, I agree with others that you should speak to the police or the council so that there is some sort of record of what's going on, and your attempts to rectify the situation.

Best of luck!

thanks mate, I will let everyone know how he goes.

i also didnt think the suggestion was very helpful, but i guess it is a forum and everyone is entitlted to their opinion

[Kelly_Louise]

OH will be going in to the neighbours tonight (we both work so cant be done earlier). the father usually comes home around 6.30pm so he is going to wait until he comes home hoping for a better outcome.

i am hopeful, as since the father returned from OS the childrens rowdy behaviour has gotten better. they used to be outside at 11pm at night screaming and carrying on, the swear words that would drift over the fence during basketball were disgusting, and i am pretty sure a few of the boys didnt attend school. since dad came home, all this behaviour has ceased. so we are thinking he obviously has a measure of control and authroity over these kids so talking to him may be the solution.

OH will be a lot more forceful (for want of a better word) this time, and will be mentioning the police, all the dangers etc.

Can I borrow their Dad to control the feral kids that live next door to me please?

[mita]

i am hopeful, as since the father returned from OS the childrens rowdy behaviour has gotten better. they used to be outside at 11pm at night screaming and carrying on, the swear words that would drift over the fence during basketball were disgusting, and i am pretty sure a few of the boys didnt attend school. since dad came home, all this behaviour has ceased. so we are thinking he obviously has a measure of control and authroity over these kids so talking to him may be the solution.

I've seen this before, where young boys' behaviour turns feral, when their dad's away. But just knowing that, won't solve the very real dangers to your family....& the boys themselves.

As everyone else has said, the first step is to bring home the seriousness of the situation to both the mum & the dad. Sounds like they'd have no problem in agreeing with you.

It's not your job to sort the problem they have with their boys....but someone else sure needs to help them. I'd be wishing for a kindly police officer who's a dad himself!

Dad's presence needs to be felt.....even when he's away. By a system where the boys have to report in to Dad by phone....or maybe there's an uncle who can visit to keep them to the good behaviour.

I'm only guessing but maybe Dad does 'male things' with the boys when he's home....like going to the footy or making things or whatever. If I were helping to solve this problem, I'd be looking at activities for the boys when Dad's away. Busy boys, interested in doing other things, don't have time for knives.

Best wishes it all comes out well for you...I think others have given you great advice.

Edited March 24, 2010 by mita

[Greytmate]

I would call the police and report the kids, and then I would notify the housing commission in writing, and put in a very strong complaint. As soon as possible.

This neighbour has completely ignored your request, they don't care about you or your pets' safety. They have shown you what they think by their lack of action.

The threat of being evicted might motivate them to control their kids, as it will be a direct cost and inconvenience to them.

I have zero tolerance for kids throwing knives. You need to force the issue before anyone is hurt.

[brightonrock]

I think that is a silly thing to suggest. If she moves it will just continue happening to the next people who move in. Running away from this will not solve the issue.

I think you are doing good about going and speaking to them when the father is home. I think you right by what your saying he sounds like he is in control of the household.

yikes, what a silly thing for the kids to be doing.

If you have ever wasted years of your life living next to neighbours from hell, or neighbour's kids from hell, believe me it is not a silly suggestion. Life's too short to try and sort out crap like this.

[mumof3]

Tricky issue, and I wholeheartedly agree with the kindly police officer approach, the "takes a village to raise a child" sentiment and the comments made by Mita a few posts back.

One angle you might like to consider, seeing as if these kids are out of control, there will no doubt be more issues in the future, is the idea that these parents may need some sort of support re how to discipline these kids. If the mum has poor english skills she may not be aware of or capable of finding out about support mechanisms which are available to help her as a parent. Things such as the triple "p" positive parenting program. Perhaps you'd like to consider if there is a supportive and non offensive way that you can offer to help her access programs such as this. Parents can have the best intentions, but without significant skills and support from family, or their community it can be a very daunting task to parent children effectively, particularly if the children have a challenging temperament and Dad is away for extended periods. She may well benefit from some support, and may need help in accessing it. A small investment of your time here may benefit your friendship with her, help solve this issue and prevent future issues, and may make a lifelong difference to these young boys.

[poodlefan]

I think that is a silly thing to suggest. If she moves it will just continue happening to the next people who move in. Running away from this will not solve the issue.

I think you are doing good about going and speaking to them when the father is home. I think you right by what your saying he sounds like he is in control of the household.

yikes, what a silly thing for the kids to be doing.

If you have ever wasted years of your life living next to neighbours from hell, or neighbour's kids from hell, believe me it is not a silly suggestion. Life's too short to try and sort out crap like this.

Sad, but in some cases true. If Mum can't control her kids now, what's the likely upshot of that in a few years time?

You run the risk of getting the kids offside and its your dogs who can pay for that.

I think moving the trampoline seems like a good opening suggestion. I'd be making it very clear to Mum AND kids next door if there's any more stuff found in the yard, you will reluctantly involve the police.

[Snout Girl]

Just a quick update: no one has been home all evening next door, tried 3 times and no answer. still havent heard a car so it will have to wait till tomorrow unfortunately.

[GRLC]

on a lighter note you could always take the knives that there throwing over the fence and "accidentally " cut strips in the trampoline .

No but seriously try the police it may be just a scary enough experience for them to stop. You really dont want to be conflicting with your neighbours .

[JD19]

Any updates?

[mita]

If the mum has poor english skills she may not be aware of or capable of finding out about support mechanisms which are available to help her as a parent. Things such as the triple "p" positive parenting program.

Yay! It's good to hear about this program. Great....not at all airy-fairy & based on research that shows it works.

There was a major study into boys who became anti-social & it showed kids heading that way could be picked out by age 5 yrs. The recommendation of the medical researchers was to make the triple p program available to parents.

[mumof3]

If the mum has poor english skills she may not be aware of or capable of finding out about support mechanisms which are available to help her as a parent. Things such as the triple "p" positive parenting program.

Yay! It's good to hear about this program. Great....not at all airy-fairy & based on research that shows it works.

There was a major study into boys who became anti-social & it showed kids heading that way could be picked out by age 5 yrs. The recommendation of the medical researchers was to make the triple p program available to parents.

Yes, it seems to be one of the more useful things around at the moment. Actually empowering parents and teaching them, not just berating them. Another thing worth mentioning is the book "Raising Boys" By Steve Biddulph (perhaps not for this lady as her English might not stretch to it), wherein the author makes the point that BOYS NEED DADS. It is a useful, constructive and not at all wishy washy read which lays out pretty clearly what boys need, and doesn't really pull any punches about where our society is letting boys down.

[mita]

If the mum has poor english skills she may not be aware of or capable of finding out about support mechanisms which are available to help her as a parent. Things such as the triple "p" positive parenting program.

Yay! It's good to hear about this program. Great....not at all airy-fairy & based on research that shows it works.

There was a major study into boys who became anti-social & it showed kids heading that way could be picked out by age 5 yrs. The recommendation of the medical researchers was to make the triple p program available to parents.

Yes, it seems to be one of the more useful things around at the moment. Actually empowering parents and teaching them, not just berating them. Another thing worth mentioning is the book "Raising Boys" By Steve Biddulph (perhaps not for this lady as her English might not stretch to it), wherein the author makes the point that BOYS NEED DADS. It is a useful, constructive and not at all wishy washy read which lays out pretty clearly what boys need, and doesn't really pull any punches about where our society is letting boys down.

And PPP doesn't have a fanatical line..as in, everything must go perfectly, every time.

Interesting your comment from Steve Biddulph's book, BOYS NEED DADS. One of the number of 'at risk' factors for boys developing anti-social problems, was that there's no dad in their lives. Doesn't meant all boys brought up by single mothers will have problems. Many, in fact, do well.

It's just when 'no dad around' is combined with other risk factors that things can go very pear-shaped.

Hopeful thing for the OPs case, is that dad is around some of the time. And the boys respond well then. Mum just needs strategies to keep them in line when dad's not there.

[Snout Girl]

Any updates?

Just an update on next door kids and throwing knives..

Approached the mother first, she asked the kid and said he didnt do it. then says she was mistaken and the first knife doesnt belong to her and he didnt throw that either (despite her admitting it).

I said next time we will go to the police. she just continued to deny.

i gave up and left the conversation. was a complete waste of time.

rang the local police station to alert them of the situation and they have said they will come out if it occurs again.

funny enough, the next day mum was in the street when i was walking sally. she stopped me and asked me how many dogs we have. i replied 2. she said that you need a permit to have 2 and do we have one? I said no, you dont need one for 2. she shrugged and i kept walking.

so thigns arent too good. am praying there are no further occurences but at least we have options now.