Please Offer Some Advice

[kirsty79]

Hi All,

I really hope some Dolers can offer me some advice as to what to do.

I have two dogs as some may be familiar with. Fred the Basset who is coming up to 5 and Jessie Collie X who is 13. Both came from shelters. Unfortunately, my husband and I are separating. We rent and neither can afford to stay in the house on their own with the dogs. If either of us move on, neither could afford more than an apartment of their own. Neither have any family they could stay with either. For now, we are living under the same roof, waiting out the lease expiry and tearing each other to shreds.

I am at a loss as to what to do about my beautiful babies. I can't stand the thought of giving them up but I am stumped as to options. I work long hours in the City so my time is limited to what I can spend with them, and they deserve to be spoiled rotten. I know Fred would get snapped up but my poor lovely Jessie surely wouldn't stand a chance? At her age and with arthritis. How would I possibly find a house share who would accept two dogs? but then If I couldn't spend the time with them surely its better to let them go to a deserving home.

Its a horrendous time atm, I'm struggling with the separation and the thought of giving up Fred and Jess breaks my heart. They have both been abandoned before, they will be so confused if rehomed.

Does anyone have any suggestions or just advice from personal experience?

Thanks,

Kirsty

[mita]

Kirsty, my heart goes out to you.

What state are you in? That might help people come up with some specific ideas.

Edited May 11, 2011 by mita

[cassie]

I really feel for you, it is one of the hardest situations to deal with. I went through a similar thing just over 12 months ago. In my situation, I moved out while the ex kept the house we had owned together. He kept both dogs while I moved back in with my parents, until such time as I found my own place, then I took one dog back (this was pre-agreed upon.) I wonder if both dogs could go somewhere temporarily until you find your feet again? I know it's difficult to find someone who would agree to this though.

Could you stay in the house and get a friend in to help with the rent?

[poodlefan]

Have you considered staying in your current home and advertising for someone to share.

It's always easier when you're the person calling the shots in a share house IMO.

If it does come to the stage where you do need to consider rehoming, start the process early and seek advice from the experienced folk in the rescue forum. Older dogs can find homes given time.

[W Sibs]

Have you considered staying in your current home and advertising for someone to share.

It's always easier when you're the person calling the shots in a share house IMO.

If it does come to the stage where you do need to consider rehoming, start the process early and seek advice from the experienced folk in the rescue forum. Older dogs can find homes given time.

This.

[kirsty79]

Thanks for your replies guys

I'm in Brisbane, QLD

It is a horrible situation, feels like a no win whatever I do.

There is nowhere the dogs can stay temporarily, no friends / family who could take them.

The difficulty is, neither of us want to leave the house or the dogs. I honestly don't know if he'll go. Trouble is, if he did go I don't know how I'll cope with the dogs as well. I'm up at 5.15am and don't get home till 6.30pm if lucky, any time left over I'm studying two diploma's (approx 15-20 hours per week). Thats not even including cooking (I am waiting for surgery meaning I cannot eat anything processed so all is cooked from scratch), cleaning, washing, gym, family ./ friends etc. I feel so overwhelmed, I just don't think I could give them enough attention?

The last thing I want is to neglect them in anyway.

[Guest Panzer Attack!]

I really feel for you I stayed living with my ex for a long time after we broke up, and when I was finally fed up and left (for various reasons) he pulled rank and kept our dog (the other had very very recently been PTS due to sickness) I looked for a share house for ages that allowed pets (since I can't afford to rent on my own), and found a few, but most already had a pet or two.

I finally found one and now have my new pup, and my housemates not only love him, but also let my old dog visit too! It's not impossible. There are some dolers on here I'm quite positive that have been through the same situation, kept the house and now share. I know of at least one.

My housemates love dogs but both feel they are too busy to have one, so were more than happy to take me on. So there are definitely people out there who don't have pets for various reasons, but would love an animal to share with.

Good luck with your situation!!

[Greytmate]

Stop going to gym and defer one of the diplomas.

If you cannot do that for your dogs and you are unwilling to rent a budget-priced property or get somebody in to share with you, then perhaps rehome the young dog and have the old one put to sleep if you can't rehome it.

[kirsty79]

Stop going to gym and defer one of the diplomas.

If you cannot do that for your dogs and you are unwilling to rent a budget-priced property or get somebody in to share with you, then perhaps rehome the young dog and have the old one put to sleep if you can't rehome it.

I can't just stop going to the gym, as I said, waiting for surgery and its vital I keep the fitness. It's not a case of I could just go walking, I have to do the strength training for my health.

Unfortunately, I cannot defer a Diploma either. It's a 12mth online cut off.

I am more than willing to rent a budget priced property, I'd sleep in a shed if I had to,, but the most budget priced house (to allow dogs) you would find in brissy is around $250pw and there are very few and far between let alone whether they allow dogs. I don't earn enough to be able to afford that. I would love to get someone in to share with me, but again, as I said, I'm not sure ex will leave.

I would rather stay miserable myself than have Jessie put to sleep.

[raz]

You poor thing - I dont doubt that you feel totally overwhelmed right now. First off, you need to sit down with your ex and establish if he's going to bugger off then you can look at getting one or two uni students in perhaps?

[Keira&Phoenix]

Stop going to gym and defer one of the diplomas.

If you cannot do that for your dogs and you are unwilling to rent a budget-priced property or get somebody in to share with you, then perhaps rehome the young dog and have the old one put to sleep if you can't rehome it.

I can't just stop going to the gym, as I said, waiting for surgery and its vital I keep the fitness. It's not a case of I could just go walking, I have to do the strength training for my health.

Unfortunately, I cannot defer a Diploma either. It's a 12mth online cut off.

I am more than willing to rent a budget priced property, I'd sleep in a shed if I had to,, but the most budget priced house (to allow dogs) you would find in brissy is around $250pw and there are very few and far between let alone whether they allow dogs. I don't earn enough to be able to afford that. I would love to get someone in to share with me, but again, as I said, I'm not sure ex will leave.

I would rather stay miserable myself than have Jessie put to sleep.

I am in Brisbane, wish I could help you out but I cannot take in anymore dogs (I am renting and my older dog can be funny).

How long before the lease is up?? Maybe a sit down talk with your ex about if he wants to stay in that house or not. If he does maybe he can keep the dogs for a while until you can find somewhere suitable? Otherwise if he isn't staying in the house then you can start looking for a housemate, pref someone who likes dogs but doesn't have any, maybe someone willing to spend a bit of time with the dogs as well? So you don't feel like they are being neglected?

[lucknow]

I'm sorry for your situation but also a little conused.

I understand you are worried about affording or even finding suitable accommodation for you and the dogs together and that you dont have the time available to care for them as they deserve. You're worried about the ability to rehome the older dog and the effect it would have on both of them if it were to happen, but you have also said you dont think your husband wants to leave either the house or the dogs. Surely if he wants to stay and keep the dogs and is capable of caring for them that would be the best thing for them?

I know it is not something you want to do but isnt it better than rehoming them?

Sometimes being a pet owner means making the hard choices for their sake rather than for ourselves.

[brightonrock]

Everything must pass. Reading between the lines, with your long work hours and other commitments you can't spend a reasonable amount of time with your dogs, but you love them and they are familiar in their home. You are distracted from them with a lot going on, study, breakup, surgery etc

At crossroad times like this in life often you have to be tough and do the right thing not the easy thing.

I think you should put a lot of effort in trying to rehome both of the dogs together and see they don't suffer for your problems.

That's what being a good owner is all about.

[poodlefan]

Maybe your first action should be to sit down with your partner and clarify a way ahead.

You wouldnt be the first people in the world to go from "couple" to "housemates" for a while at least. It could buy you both some time and give some certainty for the immediate future.

[megan_]

I'm sorry for your situation but also a little conused.

I understand you are worried about affording or even finding suitable accommodation for you and the dogs together and that you dont have the time available to care for them as they deserve. You're worried about the ability to rehome the older dog and the effect it would have on both of them if it were to happen, but you have also said you dont think your husband wants to leave either the house or the dogs. Surely if he wants to stay and keep the dogs and is capable of caring for them that would be the best thing for them?

I know it is not something you want to do but isnt it better than rehoming them?

Sometimes being a pet owner means making the hard choices for their sake rather than for ourselves.

I believe the husband can't afford the rent?

IT is hard to make good decisions when you're stressed. I suggest following PF's advice and sitting down with the ex and going through a plan. Maybe use a mediator/counsellor from Relationships Australia? You wouldn't be going to counselling to stay together, but to minimise the fall-out from the break-up. I know many people who have done this and it has really helped them come to a satisfactory arrangement for both parties.

IF everything goes to sh*t, you can always contact PACERS (Steve on this forum, who is really a woman named Julie) to see if they can help you work something out.

Good luck. Relationship breakdowns are hard enough with out all the crap that goes with them!

[Guest english.ivy]

I've had this same experience, it is possible to live in the same house; it's just hard but I'd do it again for my dogs

I'm sure you can set up different bedrooms [if you haven't already] etc, cook your own meals, watch your own teles. You're just housemates. Yeah times are going to get heated but if you sit down together and discuss that you both should stay living there for awhile longer then you can come to an agreement.

Just try and stay positive

If your ex won't stay, then get a couple of Uni students in. There are always plenty of people looking for a room to rent and I mean plenty!

[mita]

[

I am in Brisbane, wish I could help you out but I cannot take in anymore dogs (I am renting and my older dog can be funny).

How long before the lease is up?? Maybe a sit down talk with your ex about if he wants to stay in that house or not. If he does maybe he can keep the dogs for a while until you can find somewhere suitable? Otherwise if he isn't staying in the house then you can start looking for a housemate, pref someone who likes dogs but doesn't have any, maybe someone willing to spend a bit of time with the dogs as well? So you don't feel like they are being neglected?

This is good advice.

I know it can be hard to sit down with an OH when things have deteriorated to the point of, as you said in your first post, 'tearing' each other.

But there's one thing you still share. You love your dogs. For their sake & only with them in mind, sit down & try to work thro' options and a plan. Posts, so far, have given good ideas. It can help to brainstorm all sorts of options before picking out ones that will work for Plan A.

Like, is there any way, you can cohabit without being in each others faces, until you've got thro' your surgery? Yes, I know that might get a big thumbs down. But, as a temporary measure until your health problems are dealt with, it may give you (& the dogs) some time. During that time, you can look around for a potential housemate, to share your present house or another one.

Another idea is that some retired people (with secure premises) can be happy to mind dogs during the working day. For the company, without all the costs & responsibilities of ownership. Lad in our family & his wife did something like that for their Newfie while they temporarily had to live in a unit (connected with a job) until they finally were able to move to a house.

Also re dog-friendly accommodation, AWL Qld, has a link to finding dog friendly rentals.

[Keira&Phoenix]

[

I am in Brisbane, wish I could help you out but I cannot take in anymore dogs (I am renting and my older dog can be funny).

How long before the lease is up?? Maybe a sit down talk with your ex about if he wants to stay in that house or not. If he does maybe he can keep the dogs for a while until you can find somewhere suitable? Otherwise if he isn't staying in the house then you can start looking for a housemate, pref someone who likes dogs but doesn't have any, maybe someone willing to spend a bit of time with the dogs as well? So you don't feel like they are being neglected?

This is good advice.

I know it can be hard to sit down with an OH when things have deteriorated to the point of, as you said in your first post, 'tearing' each other.

But there's one thing you still share. You love your dogs. For their sake & only with them in mind, sit down & try to work thro' options and a plan. Posts, so far, have given good ideas. It can help to brainstorm all sorts of options before picking out ones that will work for Plan A.

Like, is there any way, you can cohabit without being in each others faces, until you've got thro' your surgery? Yes, I know that might get a big thumbs down. But, as a temporary measure until your health problems are dealt with, it may give you (& the dogs) some time. During that time, you can look around for a potential housemate, to share your present house or another one.

Another idea is that some retired people (with secure premises) can be happy to mind dogs during the working day. For the company, without all the costs & responsibilities of ownership. Lad in our family & his wife did something like that for their Newfie while they temporarily had to live in a unit (connected with a job) until they finally were able to move to a house.

Also re dog-friendly accommodation, AWL Qld, has a link to finding dog friendly rentals.

Gumtree is also a good tool for finding dog friendly rentals, that is how I found my current house and I have two large size dogs

Or you can go to this http://www.petfriendlyrentals.com.au/ website and download the search tool which actually highlights houses on realestate.com and domain.com which are pet friendly

First step though is working out if your ex is going to move out or if you are.

[Panto]

Have you considered staying in your current home and advertising for someone to share.

It's always easier when you're the person calling the shots in a share house IMO.

If it does come to the stage where you do need to consider rehoming, start the process early and seek advice from the experienced folk in the rescue forum. Older dogs can find homes given time.

This.

Things will be a little less anxiety ridden once you have a few steps in place that you can take, leaving you less overwhelmed.

There may also be other people out there looking to share living that will spend more time at home, or might have a pet looking for a place (will your dogs possibly accept another dog, if even a certain age or a dog of certain criteria?). There just might be someone out there who is happy to have a room plus bonus with dogs who leave home after you / get home before you do. I certainly know of another situation where this has worked out for them.

Wishing you all the best at this hard time.

[sas]

Thanks for your replies guys

I'm in Brisbane, QLD

It is a horrible situation, feels like a no win whatever I do.

There is nowhere the dogs can stay temporarily, no friends / family who could take them.

The difficulty is, neither of us want to leave the house or the dogs. I honestly don't know if he'll go. Trouble is, if he did go I don't know how I'll cope with the dogs as well. I'm up at 5.15am and don't get home till 6.30pm if lucky, any time left over I'm studying two diploma's (approx 15-20 hours per week). Thats not even including cooking (I am waiting for surgery meaning I cannot eat anything processed so all is cooked from scratch), cleaning, washing, gym, family ./ friends etc. I feel so overwhelmed, I just don't think I could give them enough attention?

The last thing I want is to neglect them in anyway.

I don't mean to be rude or crase in anyway but it seems like you've already made up your mind.

So you have black and white 2 options, rehome or put to sleep.

Then you have all the think outside of the box options such as going to live in Share accomodation with your dogs, plenty of people do it, you could ask MDBA Pacers for help. However in saying all that we still come back to the fact that you said you don't have time for the dogs so is it pointless looking at the outside of the box ideas?

Without wanting to get personal, have you and your Husband considered couples councilling?

Edited May 12, 2011 by MEH