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swain

How To Cope With The Not Knowing

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swain   

That last sad week you had with her doesn't define all the other months and years that you had together. Wonderful memories ????

You started this thread asking for help and advice .......... amongst all the gold is this piece you wrote that shines more than anything, for me.

Another DOL going through the watching, racing around the house and yard when dogs not immediately in sight. :cry: :cry:

Tough hey Dame Dannys Darling. Thinking of you also xx

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swain   

Thank you Swain. Yes we have lots of great memories and pictures and two other dogs to keep us distracted so we are lucky in that way. I wasn't posting my recent experience to detract from what you are going through but to express how difficult a time this is and how emotional and hard on ourselves we can get. We wait and watch and agonise and perhaps we need to be more like our dogs and be in the moment while we can. I'm sure they devote no time to worrying about the end because they are too busy just enjoying the now. Of course it is hard to find a balance between going with the flow and oh my dog we need to the emergency vet right now.

There's not really a way to make this easier. I'm so sorry you are going through this but at least you know here on DOL you are not alone.

No didn't think that at all. I'm sorry others are going through this as well. I find it comforting to not feel so alone and be able to talk to those that get it. I appreciate your experience and tour willingness to share xx

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swain   

This is at the crux of Swain’s (and that so many others) dilemma: the not knowing. So many people say, “You will know when the time is right,” or, “You will see it in their eyes.” To be honest, I have never really totally believed that - unless a pet is so very sick that there is no doubt.

I knew with Guin. It's entirely possible that she was over it before hand and I didn't notice but I have no doubt in my head or heart that the time was right. It was literally over night - well - over a day - I got home from work on a Monday evening and I knew with no doubt it was right. On the opposite end of the spectrum - our old cat was pottery and old and forgetful and miserable and regularly missing the litter tray and just not OK but I still feel like we didn't make quite the right decision for her - part of me feels like we left it too long, another part of me feels like I didn't try hard enough.

To address the OP again - if you're really not sure you will know when the time is right - is there a trusted friend or family who can help you make the call? I have made the twice for family pets - one of my parents cats and an Aunts dog. Not the actual ultimate decision but a very firm "I think this is it" on pre-arranged agreement - is that a possibility?

My Mum is very good with her opinions in these things....she will definitely tell me when she thinks it's time. Hubby is too close to the situation but has offered to take control and make the decisions.I'm really lucky to have the best support around ☺

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swain   

Each situation is going to be unique. If you think about dogs from their living in the wild, wolf background then any barriers to toileting, walking, finding somewhere safe to sleep, hunger, accessing food and water and consuming it would be considered a serious life threatening problem. But because they live with humans we can compensate for all those things. I think that makes it hard for us to see the truth from the dog's perspective and always know when the time is right. Scottsmum your suggestion about someone less attached looking at the situation is a good one - what do they see that we can't?

Agree! Great suggestion Scottsmum. Thank you ????

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swain   

Scottsmum your suggestion about someone less attached looking at the situation is a good one - what do they see that we can't?

Don't get me wrong - I bawled both times - but my heart wasn't being ripped from my body and utterly smashed to a thousand tiny bits. I had the clarity and blessing of a smidgen of distance. :(

Big responsibility but the trust those family members have in you is a credit

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swain   

Last night I wrote a post in response to the thread about the dog who is in heart failure. I've saved it on my phone but fear it may be too upsetting for the general forum. It's not graphic but it does mention suffering and waiting too long.

I could write here but I'm not sure it would help since it seems like you have more time.

Our beloved papillon, Tuffy, died of congestive heart failure. My own heart breaks for you, Swain.

Thank you Papillon Kisses. As hard as it would be to read if you still have it I'd like (well thats prob not the right word) to read. It would have been difficult to write ????

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The other dog has since passed, but I'll write for you.

As I mentioned, we lost our papillon, my heart dog Tuffy, to congestive heart failure. My advice is to have a plan for what you will do if Buddy goes downhill out of hours and needs to be given his wings ASAP. Know the opening hours of all local vets not just your own, know how long it takes to get to the emergency vet, know if you can call your vet and have them come to you or you to them for an emergency PTS. Have a neighbour or relative on call if you need someone to look after your daughter, have a blanket ready in the car, and so on.

My precious little man did not have a nice death, all of the vets in our area were closed so we could not relieve his suffering. While he was calm right before he passed and was in my arms gazing up at me, the image of him suffering beforehand still haunts me and cuts me to shreds. I let the love of my life down when he needed me the most, by not having him be put down earlier.

I hate typing this, because I know it will be very upsetting to read, but I do not want Buddy to suffer like Tuffy did, nor for you or your family to see what I saw, especially your daughter. It is easy to think, my dog is ok now, I want as much time as possible, I don't want to cut their life short. I don't want this post to have you cut short your time with Buddy either, please don't let it do that. I'm just saying, it is better for them to go a day early than a day late, and do not count on Buddy passing gently in his sleep as he may not. Dogs are incredibly stoic, and they're extremely good at hiding their pain when they love you and you are their entire world.

I am thinking of you, your family and your darling Buddy, and sending you strength.

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swain   

The other dog has since passed, but I'll write for you.

As I mentioned, we lost our papillon, my heart dog Tuffy, to congestive heart failure. My advice is to have a plan for what you will do if Buddy goes downhill out of hours and needs to be given his wings ASAP. Know the opening hours of all local vets not just your own, know how long it takes to get to the emergency vet, know if you can call your vet and have them come to you or you to them for an emergency PTS. Have a neighbour or relative on call if you need someone to look after your daughter, have a blanket ready in the car, and so on.

My precious little man did not have a nice death, all of the vets in our area were closed so we could not relieve his suffering. While he was calm right before he passed and was in my arms gazing up at me, the image of him suffering beforehand still haunts me and cuts me to shreds. I let the love of my life down when he needed me the most, by not having him be put down earlier.

I hate typing this, because I know it will be very upsetting to read, but I do not want Buddy to suffer like Tuffy did, nor for you or your family to see what I saw, especially your daughter. It is easy to think, my dog is ok now, I want as much time as possible, I don't want to cut their life short. I don't want this post to have you cut short your time with Buddy either, please don't let it do that. I'm just saying, it is better for them to go a day early than a day late, and do not count on Buddy passing gently in his sleep as he may not. Dogs are incredibly stoic, and they're extremely good at hiding their pain when they love you and you are their entire world.

I am thinking of you, your family and your darling Buddy, and sending you strength.

Thank you. Thats some things to think about which i hadn't even thought of. I can be a bit of a head in sand type person when it comes to these kind of things. As i can see by your story it's best to be prepared.

Please don't think you let your lil Tuffy down, in the end he was in the best place....your arms. Sweet boy resting in peace. All those woes are now gone. Hugs to you and thank you for your words of wisdom and care for our family ????

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JulesP   

Do you know your local 24/7 emergency vets Swain? Probably a good thing to know. Or even vets open on a Sunday. I had to call around the other Sunday to find a vet.

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swain   

Hi everyone....after so many loving and thoughtful comments when i first found out about Buddys heart condition i wanted to give you an update.... poor Buddy lost the fight on Monday night. We made the decision to put him to sleep. I'd taken Buddy to the vet over the weekend as he was coughing and out of breath. Vet said he had declined rapidly. After contacting the cardiologist on Monday we all thought it was best for the lil man to go to sleep.He was such a happy fun loving dog and though we had him for shorter than originally thought we miss him so much. RIP my lil Buddy. Love you always xxx

Edited by swain

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Oh Swain, I'm so sorry for your loss. Though Buddy's time on earth was short, he sure was blessed to have your family to call his own.

Run free little one. :rainbowbridge:

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swain   

Thanks so much. He certainly kept us on our toes. Trying to keep him calm and quiet was difficult. So many memories of him...so quiet without him. The week before we lost Buddy my old kelpie x died she was 16yrs 9mth so she did well. It's been a rough few weeks xxx

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So sorry to hear you've lost Buddy Swain. You gave him the last precious gift. Take care - yes you've certainly had a really hard few weeks. RIP Buddy and elderly kelpie . rainbowbridge.gif

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