The Complicated Grief When Putting a Pet to Sleep

[Redsonic]

https://www.abc.net.au/news/2025-10-03/lewis-hamilton-how-to-cope-with-the-euthanasing-pet/105842858

[tdierikx]

Losing a loved companion can be one of the hardest things you will go through short of losing a human family member. It needs to be acknowledged and grieved in whatever way helps you deal with the intense emotions that linger after they have gone.

 

My father passed earlier this year at the ripe old age of 89. He had suffered with Parkinson's for the past 10 years, and in all reality, his passing was a blessing and a relief knowing that he wasn't suffering or losing any more dignity. I have actually dealt with his passing much better than when my heart dog passed in 2004. I actually still feel the intense loss of that dog in a way that many people cannot understand, and still cry about her not being here to this day. I'm actually crying about her as I type this.

 

All that said, we also need to remember that we aren't the only people affected by the passing of our furry mates. For many of us, our pets haven't just passed peacefully in their sleep, they have been helped by an amazing team of caring people at the vet clinic. While we may be going through one of our own most traumatic events, they may have had to help a number of ailing pets go for their final sleep that very same day. Think of the toll that is taking on those caring and compassionate people who have been so supportive of you through your experience, regardless how hard it hits them each time they have to do it.

 

When I did my Cert IV in Vet Nursing, we actually had to do an assignment on grief at losing a pet, but it was solely focused on owner grief, and did not even recognise staff grief or compassion overload when dealing with such emotive procedures multiple times in any given day. Our teacher for that subject actually did try to address that aspect in class, but she broke down and had to leave the room to recompose herself for about 30 minutes... just think if this is how someone who hasn't practised in a clinic setting for years still feels about that, what effect do you think it's having on those still in the field?

 

Luckily, in the clinic I was at, the staff were VERY supportive of each other in these matters, which made it less stressful at the time, but the truth is that I'm still scarred by my experiences. I've had massive tattooed biker dudes collapse sobbing into my arms after their furry mates have passed, and various other levels of emotional collapse from many other owners. In some ways, the owner grief is actually harder to deal with then the peaceful passing of a pet, as we understand why that pet has to pass, but still death is not an easy thing to deal with for most people no matter how far "removed" from the core feelings one thinks a person may be.

 

All I can say is hug your vet and the nurses that look after your pets. Let them know that you truly appreciate everything they are trying to do for your pet and you. It may literally be the one thing that stops them walking away from the profession... or worse.

 

T.

[Rebanne]

I remember the last dog I had put to sleep. My vet went from me in one room to another client in the next room and then back to me. And I could hear her and the change in her voice and demeanor and I thought how hard that would be for her. We go back over 30 years. There has been a few euth's over that time.

[Little Gifts]

When Stussy decided it was her time I still took her to the vet as soon as they opened. We thought she'd passed in the car and again in  the waiting room. I was fearful she would have a bigger and painful event rather than just take her last breath peacefully because after owning and loving dogs for 60 years she is the first one who has ever just woken up one morning and decided it was time. So the very first thing my lovely, long term vet and caring vet nurse have to do that particularly morning is deal with the emotional wreck of me losing my old heart dog and assist in the passing of a crazy, usually full of life doggo that they have seen and treated many, many times over the course of her long life. Not a nice way to start your day and one few of us understand.  It was my last day at my job so I 'had' to go in and work after I'd organised cremation services and dried my eyes. Everyone was sympathetic to me of course. But vet staff? No time out or debriefing because it's a normal part of the job and on to the next appointment.

 

And when I lost Jonah not long after Stussy I took him back to the specialist hospital/after hours vet where he'd been treated for an MCT the year before. He had come through with flying colours and only had his monthly check in with them 2 days before. His oncologist wasn't there (it was a Friday night) but rang me on the Monday. Since she'd heard the news she had been wracking her brain on what had happened and had some thoughts on what might have suddenly happened given his tests had shown absolutely nothing of concern only a couple of days before. She was so proud of how well he'd done fighting the MCT as much as I was so it was a loss for her of a patient she'd pinned hope on. What did she miss? Could she had done more? Different? I know it affected her too. He was such a gentleman during chemo too that the staff also had a soft spot for him and he was happy to see them every fortnight. All that little stuff makes a hard job more bearable. So to do your best and still not 'win' leave them hurting as much as we do. All their hard work and success to date became null and void from that other, not really related event.

 

I'm at least 2.5 years from losing those 2 doggos but am still right back in those consult rooms thinking about those times. Some losses are much bigger than others.