booge Posted July 31, 2012 Share Posted July 31, 2012 (edited) The topic title doesn't say enough but I'm after some advice from mums and dads on here who've had dogs and a new baby.....and a wife who isn't interested in the dogs anymore. A few months ago we had the arrival of our first baby, as you can imagine our world turned upside down for a bit, we're settling down a bit now but there's one tension that continues to arise. Basically my wife just plain doesn't give the dogs any affection at all anymore, she feeds them, but that's it. The rest is yelling at them to get on their beds and not a lot else. I act as the peace keeper, walking them, grooming, paying them attention, keeping them as busy as I can when I'm not working. Prior to this we were both involved with the dogs. I know new mums are emotionally and physically exhausted, but how have you guys done it one here when only one person has the dogs interest at heart? Edited July 31, 2012 by booge Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trinabean Posted July 31, 2012 Share Posted July 31, 2012 I can't offer any great advice Booge as we bought our pup when my youngest child was 4 years old. My husband often works interstate, and long hours when he is home though. I do understand the juggle of trying to meet everyone's needs. A newborn baby and the accompanying sleepless nights can be downright exhausting. I suppose my dog has grown up having to slot into our family's varying school/ work routines. It may be a bit of an adjustment for your dogs to get used to the recent changes as you've had them for much longer? Are they used to being walked/ fed etc at certain times of day? That may need to change depending on what you can manage. Is it possible for you to hire a dog-walker for now, to take some of the pressure off you and your wife? Are you able to take the dogs to something such as obedience training one night a week, to keep their minds busy, maybe learning some new things? Providing there's not something bigger at play (like post-natal depression) I think it's an adjustment phase. Try not to make any decisions right now while you are both tired and under pressure. I do hope things settle down for your family. Congratulations on your new baby. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kavik Posted July 31, 2012 Share Posted July 31, 2012 (edited) My 3 dogs were adults when I had the kids. I am (obviously!) the dog lover and main carer in the family! There was an adjustment period and in the beginning it is pretty crazy to get dogs done as well as kids, and OH will not walk or bath the dogs (will feed them if necessary). Luckily dogs are pretty flexible, and with practice you can slot in walks with the pram and playing/training when bubs has a nap and I walk when OH gets home from work, training one night a week etc. I did get PND with my son, and that was REALLY hard, but for me, the dogs were my saviour, the only thing that kept me remotely sane as my son did a lot of screaming in the first 6 months with colic. The beginning does put a lot of pressure on your reserves, you have no energy, and you are trying to figure out what to do with this baby! Maybe to take the stress off, can you have the dogs somewhere separate from the baby for some of the time? Mine spend a lot of time outside (I have a small house and a BIG yard!) which does make it is easier than always juggling them together in the same space, as always supervising can be stressful. Edited July 31, 2012 by Kavik Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
juice Posted July 31, 2012 Share Posted July 31, 2012 (edited) Could you maybe all go out for a walk together, make it a relaxing, nice thing to do? My ex would have our daughter in a backpack and we would go for long sunday walks with the dogs. I used to walk them everyday during the week with her in the backpack, then a buggy, it was really relaxing to get out, if not tricky to get going :laugh: , its good for babies to get out in the fresh air too, they sleep well! Perhaps she needs to remember the good fun things about the dogs, rather than just the annoying bits? Edited July 31, 2012 by juice Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dogsfevr Posted July 31, 2012 Share Posted July 31, 2012 If you asked her what she wants from the dogs now what would she say. What is annoying her the most as far as the dogs go?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Poodle Mum Posted July 31, 2012 Share Posted July 31, 2012 I struggled for a while after my first was born ( now 13!)...prior to that my poodles were my world. They def took a back seat for a while, I didn't show them and clipped them all down...my attention was completely focused on the baby and I didn't do much with the dogs....sometimes they were just another "thing" that demanded attention. I can understand yor wife. Things did eventually change for me.....But I did have to find a new way of juggling everything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pepe001 Posted July 31, 2012 Share Posted July 31, 2012 Can you just pick up the slack? For the first year or more of my babies life (she is now 6) I was emotionally and physically exhausted. I couldn't think about anything but protecting and caring for the baby. I think that hormonal change is an evolutionary advantage and most mammals exhibit it - care for your baby at the expense of everything else. My husband had no idea what I was going through. Five feeds throughout the night and caring for everything during the day. Living on a few rare hours sleep. I remember one time we had baby at a friends place and someone asked him if she slept through the night. He said yes - I was astounded as she was still waking at 9, 12, 3 and 6. He simply had no idea - but he did try. He still has no idea and does little of the parenting. But he is still a good dad - just not a mum. Sorry no insult intended to dads who are also mums - this is just how it is for my family. I'm sure if I died he could step up to the plate but unless that happened he will never have any idea how much I do. Sorry I am going on a bit - all I wanted to say is being a new mother is very hard work on so many levels and an extra burden of caring for family pets may be just too much. Not saying that is you - but could it be? Can you just slip her some slack and do the dogs. Set it up so she doesn't need to deal with them and yell at them. Help her without being condescending. Off my box now - just that your question really hit a nerve for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rascalmyshadow Posted July 31, 2012 Share Posted July 31, 2012 I have had 3 children and always had a multi dog house, on top of fostering rescue dogs and grooming dogs for a living with taking very little time off before and after pregnancy. I had days where I wanted to strangle my dogs because all they seemed to do was add a lot of extra work. I also didn't like the mess they would make but it was just sleep deprivation and hormones causing havoc. Having children is the most emotionally and physically draining thing a person can go through, your wife's behaviour is not a choice and it should pass once bub is a little older and less demanding. If you can try to do as much for them as possible and make sure they are not creating more work for her. She sounds very overwhelmed try having a chat to her about it. Keep a watch to make sure she's not suffering from post natal depression. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
booge Posted July 31, 2012 Author Share Posted July 31, 2012 We've had a chat about it, basically like a few others said on here they're just another "thing" needing her attention. I definitely was cautious bringing it up on here as i don't want the wrath of other mums! As far as picking up the slack goes, i do everything i can...when i'm home, but being away at work 10 hours a day leaves a big gap where she has two dogs and a baby to deal with. She's happy otherwise and a good mum. I Just wanted tips from others on here on how they made it work. Sounds like over time it just gets easier. I just feel sorry for our doggies playing second fiddle now! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shells Posted July 31, 2012 Share Posted July 31, 2012 I have 3 kids and 2 dogs. Baby 3 came when our dogs were 2 years old. Your wife may be feeling overwhelmed that they also need her love and attention when she is already giving all she can raising a newborn. She may also be feeling guilty that she can't give them the love and attention they once had. She may have pnd. How old is your baby? Give it a few months but if it doesn't improve you are going to speak to her as she can't be yelling at the dogs all day for doing nothing wrong. Every night I have a cuddle with my dogs. They ask for so little and love so much. After a long day of little people's demands they are always happy to wait for their little bit of love but that doesn't mean that during the heat of the day when I am up to my elbows in nappies, vegemite sandwiches and bottles of milk that I don't get a bit irritated at the dogs staring at me wagging their tails waiting for their daily walk - some days it's a reminder of another chore I have to do and other days it is a welcome excuse to get outdoors, and relax and enjoy the sunshine Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sunnyflower Posted July 31, 2012 Share Posted July 31, 2012 (edited) I too understand your wife. My daughter is turning 1 in 3 weeks & she is my first. My Cavalier who was my 'first born' had to be put to rest 2 months prior to the birth of my daughter & we had a 5 month old dog when she was born. I was sick & my daughter had to come early & we were both in hospital for a while. I too have found that the dog has been another 'thing' and at times have found him to be beyond bare-able. For the last 2 months I have been back on my game & life is what it use to be as my little girl is a little more independent. It's extremely tiring being the person that has to make sure everything is in order from the baby, dog, dinner, washing & even to making sure there is toilet paper. Sounds so simple but sometimes it is just so damn tiring having to make sure there is always spare soap in the cupboard is tiring as it's the little things the partner never thinks of & to have to also deal with the animals usually sends most people over the edge because they get under your feet right at the worst times. It will pass if she loved them before. She's just tired & probably needs a good day out having a picnic with you, bub & the dogs showing her she is appreciated. It incorporates the dogs & a gets her out of the house with the focus on her. Edited July 31, 2012 by Sunnyflower Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
huga Posted July 31, 2012 Share Posted July 31, 2012 Does she get any time out by herself at all? Just for a walk or a haircut or a coffee? I know that's what I needed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clyde Posted July 31, 2012 Share Posted July 31, 2012 If the budget allows it have a think about a dog walker, or doggy day care a few days a week. I know when I had my baby I was constantly feeling guilty about the dogs not getting walked as much so hired a dog walker. They came home tired, and I was more relaxed knowing they were exercised and so I was able to enjoy them more. I know a lot of other women though whose dogs were put on the back burner when they had a child and some rehomed their dogs. Not something I would judge as kids really do change everything for some people, can't be helped. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Staffyluv Posted July 31, 2012 Share Posted July 31, 2012 Could you maybe all go out for a walk together, make it a relaxing, nice thing to do? My ex would have our daughter in a backpack and we would go for long sunday walks with the dogs. I used to walk them everyday during the week with her in the backpack, then a buggy, it was really relaxing to get out, if not tricky to get going :laugh: , its good for babies to get out in the fresh air too, they sleep well! Perhaps she needs to remember the good fun things about the dogs, rather than just the annoying bits? I agree with juice. Can you try to encourage a nice walk for the whole family together? Pets can be such relaxing creatures and relieve stress. Our boy knows when I am feeling low and just sits with me.. Taking him for a walk is a real destresser for me personally... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lilyandjazz Posted July 31, 2012 Share Posted July 31, 2012 We have a 6 dog family here, plus cats and horses. We also have 2 kids under 3 all animals were prior to children. For me it was not a drama it was not something i ever experienced, i think just had to manage and the more you stress about things the worse you get worked up. I also think some new mothers go through a crazy period where they just feel overwheled some people can cope with more than others and may be the dogs have picked up on that and are also feeling on edge. I think may be your wife needs a little downtime. What about if you took the baby and your wife took the dogs for a walk, it might be some nice alone time and also bonding time with the dogs. Good luck, hope it all works out for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wobbly Posted July 31, 2012 Share Posted July 31, 2012 I think may be your wife needs a little downtime. What about if you took the baby and your wife took the dogs for a walk, it might be some nice alone time and also bonding time with the dogs. Good luck, hope it all works out for you. What a great idea, maybe she could walk them somewhere really pretty, a bushwalk or a walk on the beach, if she has a good friend with a dog maybe they could go together? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christina Posted July 31, 2012 Share Posted July 31, 2012 Going against the majority here but I feel so sorry for your dogs. I can understand if they are long coated & the grooming doesn't get done quite as often or they don't get a walk as much as losing sleep with a baby can make you get behind a little temporarily but overall one baby & 2 dogs is not a lot a lot to cope with after the first few weeks as long as no one is sick. There is nothing you can do really except give them the extra attention when you have time & hope that things will improve & that they do not suffer too much. Basically if you want to live :laugh: say nothing & do not have another baby soon. Some people just cope & others don't do so well. New mums are variable. No way of knowing until it happens. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lugeanjaam Posted July 31, 2012 Share Posted July 31, 2012 Babies are all consuming little creatures ????. As a new parent, particularly a first time mum it can be a overwhelming experience. I think the previous posters have it right. Pick up the slack where you can. Give her some time. And cudos to you for understanding and doing the best for your dogs whilst she is otherwise occupied. Sanity does return in time I promise! Luckily dogs are resilient and generally forgive our lapses on attention from time to time. Congrats on your new baby! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dog geek Posted July 31, 2012 Share Posted July 31, 2012 Just a thought - but if you have the extra in your budget get a cleaner in once a week to do the housework for your wife. While the cleaner is working in your house, your wife might like to walk the baby in the pram (don't make the taking the dogs a condition of your hiring a cleaner, btw, you might put your wife's back up) or drop the baby off in childcare for an hour or so to go for a swim/gym visit/hair cut/eyebrow renovation. Just my point of view, but I would have treasured such thoughtfulness from one of my (consecutive)husbands... if you can't afford a cleaner, do it yourself on the weekends - designate a couple of hours to cleaning while your wife has a sleep, or gets out of the house. Your description of your wife's behaviour just resonates resonates with me, is all... it might be just the trick, to make her feel truly valued and supported? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MishB Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 I agree with most of the other posts on here too. I had my 2 GSDs before I had my first baby, I was extremely sick, my baby had colic & reflux, I had no family support and a husband who worked 12 hr shifts. I ended up with PND, I did get really resentful of my dogs at times, they would bark when I had just got the baby to sleep (poor things were bored shitless probably) or want a pat at the worst times and when my husband came home he would lavish attention on them, so I got annoyed about that too. I was one big hormonal mess , but the dogs coped, they were outside a lot more for a period of time, & they were semi neglected for a while, but they coped, we got through it and they became my sons best friends and protectors. Its a time of adjustment for everyone in your household, dogs included so it is going to take a while to work itself out, even though you think you settle into a bit of a rythmn babies have a tendency to almost sense this and they throw a spanner in the works, everything goes pear shaped again for a while. My poor husband walked around on egg shells for 12 months,it does get better though, hang in there, the dogs will be fine. :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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