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When Does Interest And Concern Become Stalking?!


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Hi All,

My first little foster greyhound Star went to her lovely new family yesterday morning and as I sit here fighting the urge to call and check on her - it started me thinking......

I am sure it is very much a case by case situation but do those of you who are regular foster carers have a set timeframe of how often you follow up on the dog in their new home.

Do you tend to leave things be and go with "no news is good news" philosophy or do you follow up every few days for the first couple of weeks regardless?

I was lucky that Star's new family sent me photos yesterday afternoon and all was well. I am dying to hear how things are today and how she was on her first night with her new family but I am resisting the urge as I feel like a stalker!!

I am not expecting there to be any issues as she was a great girl but I can be a bit OCD and perhaps I am being too much of a control freak.

I will text tonight and then wait a few days before I bother her family again - it is a hard choice between having people think you don't care and they have no support or whether they feel you are bothering them.

What are peoples thoughts?

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Guest donatella

I leave it be! Let the new family send you updates if they want to but I would be a bit annoyed if someone was calling me everynight with a night adoption. Your rescue is obviously happy with Star's new family so let them enjoy their time, I'm sure they will send you pics or add you on FB if you want regular updates.

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I always make sure the adopters know how to contact me & if I don't hear from them I ring between the first & second week to make sure all is going well. We give adopters a 2 week trial period so I like to know how things are going be the end of that.

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Thanks guys :) I will leave things alone for a few days and maybe text on the weekend if I haven't heard anything.

They definitely know how to reach me and I am sure I will hear if there are any issues.

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It's about setting expectations at the beginning. We have a two week trial period, and we tell people that we'll follow up a few times in the trial. We'll generally check in a day or two after they go home, at the end of the first week and at the end of the second week to ask if the dog (or cat) is staying.

I'll sometimes follow up a couple of months later with dogs who might be a bit more of a challenge or with puppies.

It's not stalking if you tell people you'll be contacting them.

Sometimes people are a bit reluctant to ask for help if things aren't going well, so some contact might flush the issue out, which means you have a chance to intervene and help.

Most people like to tell you how well their new dog is doing and appreciate the contact.

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No news is normally good news, I do usually send an email or a text after a couple of days to check all is going well though, I very quickly hear if an issue has appeared, Our dogs always go out on a 2 week trial, so If I have not heard anything in those 2 weeks I ring then.

Edited by varicool
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It's about setting expectations at the beginning. We have a two week trial period, and we tell people that we'll follow up a few times in the trial. We'll generally check in a day or two after they go home, at the end of the first week and at the end of the second week to ask if the dog (or cat) is staying.

I'll sometimes follow up a couple of months later with dogs who might be a bit more of a challenge or with puppies.

It's not stalking if you tell people you'll be contacting them.

Sometimes people are a bit reluctant to ask for help if things aren't going well, so some contact might flush the issue out, which means you have a chance to intervene and help.

Most people like to tell you how well their new dog is doing and appreciate the contact.

This is exacly how I work, it's crucial to check in the first 2 weeks I believe. I usually ring on the 2nd day and then stay in touch by email every few days for the 2 week or 4 week trial period, depending on what I've agreed. Dogs do behave differently in a new home, although I've already discussed all of that in full it can go in one ear and out the other so i do like to check. I call it diligence!

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Thanks guys :) I will leave things alone for a few days and maybe text on the weekend if I haven't heard anything.

They definitely know how to reach me and I am sure I will hear if there are any issues.

I would call :) This way you will get more info back and be more satisfied. Texts can be cryptic and not hold much info, plus personally I find texts annoying. :o

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I always make a point of advising my adopters how many times I'll be in touch with them during the two week trial - that way, they understand exactly what I expect of them and vice versa.

I give an option to my adopters to either ring/text/email me that night or the next day with an update of how he/she is settling in.

I ring or email 5 days later to check up on everything and then I leave the adopters alone until just before the two week trial period is up.

Edited by Tweety
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I couldn't not contact people! With my fosters I really need to know how they're doing so that I can content myself that it's a good placement and they're happy. I'm also quite shameless in asking for photos.

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It varies but if I've had contact by text or email I always send a quick follow up the day after to see how they went for that first night. I'm a worry wart and want it to all go well! I've got one couple who friended me on FB before they got the dog and of course they post pics of their new boy every couple of days so I am very lucky there. One boy was a bit of a special case and we had a lot of initial updates and the family will also come to future get togethers. But our first foster this year went to a family that have not kept in contact with me or the rescue at all. Boo hoo!

I think after the trial period the amount of contact becomes up to the adopter as some seem to like to just get on with their lives while others are happy to share!

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I've adopted two dogs and never been contacted. But the 2nd dog was a puppy and he flew up, so it was only natural to let the foster carer know how he went, and then about 2 weeks later I emailed her a video to show him playing with my other dog, and after that I've sent the occasional photo or video. So she might have checked in with me if I hadn't contacted her first.

With the first dog I never heard anything from the foster carer though, and the meeting with the dog last about 5-10 minutes before we decided to adopt her, filled out the paperwork and were on our way, and that was it. No further contact. In fact I couldn't even get a hold of her when I discovered the dog was crawling with fleas and had an ear infection, so the whole thing was a bit dodgy.

I know I would appreciate the foster carer checking in a few times during the settling in period. I don't think I would personally need it, but it's nice to be able to tell them the dog is settling in nicely and it shows that they actually cared what happened to the dog, they didn't just send it on its way and then forget all about it.

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Guest muttrus

I always call within a few days as most have another dog so just to help with settling in together most being puppies there usually is questions just as with a new baby.My email phone number website etc is given lage and visable in the puppy pack.

BUT

I have to say what I hate the most is I may only get one or two updates from some families however they can"t wait to contact years later should they have an issue!

I always think how dare they they can"t be bothered with me in anyway untill they want something.

Ive had one person adopt from us over 5 years ago before I came along they contacted me saying they wanted their dog boarded for a few months while they went on hoilday.I explained Im the only carer and I had a full house My first duty was to the needy dogs in my care looking for a home.The person got really rude saying because the dog was adopted from our rescue it was MY duty to house their dog as it had issues with boarding kennels .

Im sorry but while Im always happy to help when and where I can I also believe owning a pet of any sort is firstly the responsabilty of the owner chances are things aren"t always going to be perfect .

I DO love updates and it does help settle my mind to recieve one shortly after they leave I ask for updates and most people are happy to send them or post them on our facebook page.I did have an older lady who wasn"t too good with computers so she printed out some photos hand wrote a letter and posted it to me ---That I still think is such a heartfelt honest update and it was so special to me to sit down and read such a personal account

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I've been lcky to spend time with the potential adopters and talk to them about the dogs quirks or training/developmental work that still needs to be done prior to them taking the dogs. So when I get an update telling me there have been no probs with new sleeping arrangements or how much the dogs have bonded with the kids in their new family I am so grateful. I really do care about my foster babies and I think the adopters can sense that. I've even offered to care for one special boy should the family want to go on holidays and can't take him with them as he would shrivel emotionally in a kennel. I've also loaned other adopters some doggy stuff while they sort out their own. It does feel like the extended family just keeps growing but that's perhaps also because we are breed specific.

It's been such a positive experience for me and I hope it is the same for the adopters (as well as the dogs!). Hopefully that helps spread the word that rescue can be a great experience.

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I have done the same by offering to take care of Star if there is ever an emergency or the new family want to go away on holiday.

Her new Mum told me she felt guilty taking her from me as she could tell I was very attached - which is part of the reason why I am trying to give them space and not appear too clingy.

I think it is a good thing to care and want to know the dog is settling in OK - I have decided I will give a quick call tonight and then leave things alone for a week.

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I have done the same by offering to take care of Star if there is ever an emergency or the new family want to go away on holiday.

Her new Mum told me she felt guilty taking her from me as she could tell I was very attached - which is part of the reason why I am trying to give them space and not appear too clingy.

I think it is a good thing to care and want to know the dog is settling in OK - I have decided I will give a quick call tonight and then leave things alone for a week.

I ring the next morning to see how the dog settled overnight, if all is well with the 2 dogs getting along at the initial meeting I then "might" ring the "occasional" new owner say after a week and then I leave them alone.

I don't want to annoy the new owners by ringing 4 or 5 times in the 2 weeks.

You have to be careful when offering to look after the dog if they go on holidays, I have one person who expects my carer to take the foster when they go away 4 times a year, they just presume she will look after the dog, which she does, but they NEVER even give her box of chocolates and it can be for 4 weeks every time, it puts a strain on her when she already has her own 4 dogs and 3 fosters of mine and then another, they don't have to pay for boarding.

Maree

CPR

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Ouch - some people have no honour code do they :( I am lucky that I only have my own dog and the occasional foster but nobody wants to be used do they and not even to get a box of choccies or a bunch of flowers - that is low :(

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I had that happen once - people asked me to mind their dog which they had adopted from me. I agreed and they said they'd give me all his food, etc. Well I was given a TINY bit of food that only lasted half the time, and when they got back, they gave me a cup from Movie World as a thank you... Never again!

Edited by taketwo
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