Scared Of Making The Same Mistakes

[Henrietta]

I've just been pondering my future with dogs.

I have a three and a half year old desexed female cross (sold to me as a Chihuahua from a BYB). It goes without saying that I love this dog.

I made some mistakes with her though. I bought her from a BYB for starters, I was stupid and ignorant at the time and have since learnt a lot about that aspect of animal welfare. (Thanks DOL!)

I wasn't experienced enough to realise that I had a behaviourial problem (fear aggression) sooner than I should have. We went to puppy preschool (big mistake... it wasn't particularly well run, I should've realised I had a dog with whom I needed to tread carefully).

I finally realised I had a problem when I went to a pet manners class. We consulted a behavourist and we got a plan going and we have made improvement (albeit slowly). I regret leaving it as long as I did.

I do think I am a good dog owner in that I give my dog good food, exercise, stimulation, training and safe and warm living conditions. I have had to learn (very quickly!) about the importance of management. My dog has never been involved in an incident that has caused harm to any other dog or person because I manage her well and I make sure I keep it that way.

We have a lot of fun, the training is challenging and we dabble in backyard agility just for fun. We attend training classes, but we do different things to the other handlers.

Of course though, I don't want to make the same mistakes with my next dog and, to be honest, the more I think about it... the more deathly scared I am of getting a pup... at least for the next time around.

I know much more now than I knew then, of course. But I am seriously considering an adult rescue dog or adult dog from a ethical, registered breeder. I am still tossing around ideas for a breed, I have it down to a few though now. I have no idea when I will get another dog. It depends mostly on my dog. I currently live with my parents and my parents' dog and mine get on famously. I have no idea what to do when I move out (I'd happily take them all, but I think my parents would have something to say about that ). I don't like the idea of having an only dog, but if that is the only way, than that's the way it will have to be. This also scares me and is probably the worst part of having a dog with issues that has also never been the only dog.

I guess this is all just a big ramble, but have you ever been in a position where you doubt your ability to raise a dog? I am pretty confidant with my ability to live with, provide for, train, manage and love a dog, but I am very scared of buggering up the socialisation period again.

[FranVT]

Hey check out my threads in General Emm I have definitely felt like that! With help from DOLers and as long as you use common sense then you'll be fine!

[Loving my Oldies]

I guess this is all just a big ramble, but have you ever been in a position where you doubt your ability to raise a dog? I am pretty confidant with my ability to live with, provide for, train, manage and love a dog, but I am very scared of buggering up the socialisation period again.

Every dog is different, Emm. There may be or may be not some things you "do wrong" with the next dog, but the biggest mistake would be to not give another dog that love and care you have given your current one

[Kavik]

Emm, I understand completely!

I had a similar experience with Zoe. Got her from rescue as a puppy. Did what I thought was the right thing by socialisation (puppy preschool, dog park, obedience classes from 16 weeks).

She started exhibiting aggression towards other dogs around 6 months of age, but I didn't get help for it straight away (thought I could fix it on my own) and she still shows aggression towards other dogs now at 10 1/2 (her behaviour has improved since I have started a different training program with her). I took her to obedience and agility classes, and wanted to compete with her, but with her aggression I couldn't. I got very frustrated with the aggression especially when I would see people who had no idea how to train a dog and their dog was perfectly friendly towards other dogs.

Since I now have other dogs, I have certainly learned that they are all different, and to learn from your experiences from previous dogs but try not to land all your baggage (and I have plenty from Zoe!) on your next dog.

[GoldenGirl85]

Keep in mind that your byber might have taken the pups away from mum too soon and that could have affected your girls behaviour as well

[Rebanne]

I guess this is all just a big ramble, but have you ever been in a position where you doubt your ability to raise a dog? I am pretty confidant with my ability to live with, provide for, train, manage and love a dog, but I am very scared of buggering up the socialisation period again.

sometimes it doesn't matter what you do things don't turn out right. You seem to be a caring doggy person, don't let the hurdles with this little dog hold you back

[poodlefan]

Experience is a great teacher and you've learned lessons you'll never forget.

Personally I think buying from a good breeder (puppy or adult) and finding the right dog trainer can see you through most challenges. The thing about puppies is that they (apart from genetics) are largely blank slates - you get to train the sort of dog you want to live with. With adults, you get what someone else has trained. Sometimes that's easier to live with than others.

Your greatest challenge will probably to find the right pup or dog to fit in with your current girl.

[noisymina]

I agree. Use common sense, take on a rescue or re-home job and look at it as a learning experience.

Every dog is different. And NONE is perfect - just as we humans are not perfect.

I'm far from the perfect dog owner - but who's to say how that is assessed?

Ours has a home she would otherwise not have. Her "problems" have not totally gone, but are a million miles better than when she came here. She is part of the family, is fed, cared for and given vet care. Not a huge victory really, but an achievement for me. And we have a bond - that is important and what it's all about for me.

If I was out to make an agilty champion, I could say we are an abysmal failure. I know this as we did try.

But it was not the main aim of the game. As my companion and protector, she's a gem.

You can only define "success" but your own measure. Make your measure achievable and you will be fine.

[W Sibs]

The more you learn the more you will know.

Like others have said, every dog is different. There is no perfect owners out there, but if you do the best you can do with the knowledge you have... then you can't fail on being a good dog owner.

It's always great to always wanting to learn more

[noisymina]

I suspect it's a bit like raising skin kids.

Number one is a huge challenge. You make mistakes along the way, but somehow you muddle through.

Then, just as you think you have it all worked out, number two comes along.

With a totally different set of rules!

And you start from scratch all over again.

I see the rescue idea as having two advantages.

Firstly, you have given a dog a home that it would otherwise not have. That in itself says you have a success.

Secondly, you see what you get. A mature dog, temperament tested, you know if it "works" with your present dog or not, and if not, you can arrange to swap for another etc to get the right mix. Also a plus.

Use that to build your confidence, then maybe you will be ready to go the puppy path next time.

[Vickie]

I don't think you'd be human if you didn't worry. I think we all worry that we will make mistakes with each dog we get.

As others have said, each dog presents new challenges. None of us are perfect & some mistakes are inevitable.

I try really hard to improve things I did wrong with each subsequent dog.

You may not realise just how much you have learnt until you start training your next dog.

[Henrietta]

Hey check out my threads in General Emm I have definitely felt like that! With help from DOLers and as long as you use common sense then you'll be fine!

Thank you Fran, I'll have a look. I must say that a lot of my researching on doggy-related matters at least starts with DOL.

I guess this is all just a big ramble, but have you ever been in a position where you doubt your ability to raise a dog? I am pretty confidant with my ability to live with, provide for, train, manage and love a dog, but I am very scared of buggering up the socialisation period again.

Every dog is different, Emm. There may be or may be not some things you "do wrong" with the next dog, but the biggest mistake would be to not give another dog that love and care you have given your current one

So true, I must remember that every dog is different and every dog I own will teach me something new.

Emm, I understand completely!

I had a similar experience with Zoe. Got her from rescue as a puppy. Did what I thought was the right thing by socialisation (puppy preschool, dog park, obedience classes from 16 weeks).

She started exhibiting aggression towards other dogs around 6 months of age, but I didn't get help for it straight away (thought I could fix it on my own) and she still shows aggression towards other dogs now at 10 1/2 (her behaviour has improved since I have started a different training program with her). I took her to obedience and agility classes, and wanted to compete with her, but with her aggression I couldn't. I got very frustrated with the aggression especially when I would see people who had no idea how to train a dog and their dog was perfectly friendly towards other dogs.

Since I now have other dogs, I have certainly learned that they are all different, and to learn from your experiences from previous dogs but try not to land all your baggage (and I have plenty from Zoe!) on your next dog.

Yes, something to be mindful of in the future. I can see this mindset I have right now could easily spill over into becoming detrimental baggage. I have to find that balance.

I'm really glad to hear that Zoe has improved! I do get very excited with Abby's progress... It's funny really to reflect on what you feel is success. But I have learnt that you have to work with the dog you have. Everyone's success is different and I try to not get disheartened when I start comparing us to others.

Keep in mind that your byber might have taken the pups away from mum too soon and that could have affected your girls behaviour as well

Yes, I'll guess I'll never know for sure.

I guess this is all just a big ramble, but have you ever been in a position where you doubt your ability to raise a dog? I am pretty confidant with my ability to live with, provide for, train, manage and love a dog, but I am very scared of buggering up the socialisation period again.

sometimes it doesn't matter what you do things don't turn out right. You seem to be a caring doggy person, don't let the hurdles with this little dog hold you back

Thanks Rebanne. It won't, I'm sure. If anything, Abby has probably strengthened my love and interest in all things dog and canine behaviour and training. Of course there have been tears, but the positive outweigh the negative lol.

Experience is a great teacher and you've learned lessons you'll never forget.

Personally I think buying from a good breeder (puppy or adult) and finding the right dog trainer can see you through most challenges. The thing about puppies is that they (apart from genetics) are largely blank slates - you get to train the sort of dog you want to live with. With adults, you get what someone else has trained. Sometimes that's easier to live with than others.

Your greatest challenge will probably to find the right pup or dog to fit in with your current girl.

Yes, I'll think I will be engaging the help of a very good trainer when I do embark on my next dog. That is a must. I will admit to not being sure how exactly to go about finding the right dog/pup to fit in with Abby (if or when I do). I have a few ideas in the back of my mind, but it does seem very daunting (to me).

I agree. Use common sense, take on a rescue or re-home job and look at it as a learning experience.

Every dog is different. And NONE is perfect - just as we humans are not perfect.

I'm far from the perfect dog owner - but who's to say how that is assessed?

Ours has a home she would otherwise not have. Her "problems" have not totally gone, but are a million miles better than when she came here. She is part of the family, is fed, cared for and given vet care. Not a huge victory really, but an achievement for me. And we have a bond - that is important and what it's all about for me.

If I was out to make an agilty champion, I could say we are an abysmal failure. I know this as we did try.

But it was not the main aim of the game. As my companion and protector, she's a gem.

You can only define "success" but your own measure. Make your measure achievable and you will be fine.

You are right Noisy. We have acheived much and we have had our fair share of successes, as well as failures. And yes, I adore her. LOL, we dabble in agility at home. Agility champs we are not, but we have so much fun.

The more you learn the more you will know.

Like others have said, every dog is different. There is no perfect owners out there, but if you do the best you can do with the knowledge you have... then you can't fail on being a good dog owner.

It's always great to always wanting to learn more :D

That is true too, if we think we have learnt everything we need to know we would be sadly mistaken!

[Henrietta]

See I was thinking an adult because of the already established temperament. That was kind of my line of thinking that I have been mulling over in my head...

I think I'd be a nervous wreck if I had the responsibility of raising a human being! But then again, like you say, you get on with it and get through it (with the occasional curve ball thrown your way of course!)

Vickie you are right, I think most of us have things we'd do differently next time.

[Kavik]

The already established temperament is tempting for me too!

I also have fears about stuffing up socialisation, and getting one that could also already tug (my most recent bugbear lol) and be OK with other dogs sounds so cool! My problem with going along the adult rescue route at the moment is that 1) OH doesn't want me to get a rescue as Zoe was a rescue and he is worried I might get another difficult rescue 2) I know I can integrate puppies into my pack, even with Zoe, as I have done that with Diesel and Kaos. It will be more difficult to integrate an adolescent or adult dog into the pack.

I am still thinking about this one.

[Dame Aussie]

From your post you sound like an intelligent, sensible dog owner. I think you will be absolutely fine. It's so hard to know whether you will have a problem or not when they're so young.

Maybe when you choose your next breed do lots of research into the temperament of the dog you want to get, then you'll feel more ready, plus you always have DOL!

[Henrietta]

The already established temperament is tempting for me too!

I also have fears about stuffing up socialisation, and getting one that could also already tug (my most recent bugbear lol) and be OK with other dogs sounds so cool! My problem with going along the adult rescue route at the moment is that 1) OH doesn't want me to get a rescue as Zoe was a rescue and he is worried I might get another difficult rescue 2) I know I can integrate puppies into my pack, even with Zoe, as I have done that with Diesel and Kaos. It will be more difficult to integrate an adolescent or adult dog into the pack.

I am still thinking about this one.

Yes and that's the flip side! I know introducing a pup to Abby would have it's own set of challenges and I have no idea how to go about this. May I ask how you did this with Zoe? Keeping in mind it most likely would be different with my girl?

It is something to ponder for sure...

[Kavik]

Short supervised sessions. She is also more tolerant of pups and seems to know the difference between visiting and here for good. Since a pup is not likely to challenge her and is just going to be a puppy, I find this easier to contemplate than worrying about whether the other dog is going to challenge her or do something to set her off. I have introduced two adolescent dogs into the household with Zoe before (a GSD that visited for a few months so I could do some training with it, and a Beagle my parents got when I was living at home). It took longer and was more stressful, but in the end she did accept them and they played together (Beagle had to be watched more though as he was a more dominant fellow). Probably not the ideal way to do it but with them the hose got a workout until she behaved (Zoe does not like the hose) Hose was not necessary when introducing puppies

[Henrietta]

Thanks Kavik. So much to contemplate. I can see how a pup would be easier in some respects... I do worry about leaving a lasting impression on the pup even with precautions put into place. This is something that I would have to get a lot of advice with.

[Adnil444]

I agree. Use common sense, take on a rescue or re-home job and look at it as a learning experience.

Every dog is different. And NONE is perfect - just as we humans are not perfect.

I'm far from the perfect dog owner - but who's to say how that is assessed?

Ours has a home she would otherwise not have. Her "problems" have not totally gone, but are a million miles better than when she came here. She is part of the family, is fed, cared for and given vet care. Not a huge victory really, but an achievement for me. And we have a bond - that is important and what it's all about for me.

If I was out to make an agilty champion, I could say we are an abysmal failure. I know this as we did try.

But it was not the main aim of the game. As my companion and protector, she's a gem.

You can only define "success" but your own measure. Make your measure achievable and you will be fine.

Really well put noisymina - I couldn't agree more. You are right, there is no perfect dog, just as there is no perfect human, and who would want everyone or every dog to be the same!! All 3 of my dogs have their own traits, but I love them all and they wouldn't be the dogs they are without their traits. It's a work in progress, just like parenting and we are educating ourselves all the time.

[percyk]

golly ive made mistakes too

back in the day before the net and limited access to info it was gut instinct that i followed and whatever books i could get my hands on

so i made a mistake and bought an aussie terrier from a cairns petshop

she was 6weeks and a lot of dogs were sold back then at that age

she was a strange little poppet but she lived a long and happy life and eventually bonded to my dad and followed him around like a shadow

i made a mistake again...not too far down the track and bought a cav from a byb ...this was a strange little cav too...never bonded to anyone...so unlike any cav youd meet but there you go...you pick from a bunch and you dont really know what youre doing

the rest were pretty good

we did have a standard poodle for a week but returned him after having him assessed by a behaviourist..he was a very dominant dog and wouldve not suited life with our firstborn who was still very young

all the rest have been good choices

and it comes down to

research research research talking and listening listening and more listening to lots of breeders

and then not buying on impulse

knowing when to walk away

looking at the mum and the conditions under which the babies are raised

i steer away from kennels that dont raise pups inside

and getting them at the right age...at 8 or 12 weeks

if theyre older...they really need to be with the family...most breeds at any rate

and not going for colour but temperament

i mean it is fine to fall in love with the markings of some cutie but watch the behaviour first

and make sure you trust the breeder to sell you the right pup for your circumstances...steer away from breeders who are wishy washy with their info...theyre non-commital in their replies and theyre the ones who just want to unburden their stock

a good breeder will listen to you and try to choose a pup for you that will fit in with your existing dog

it is normal to be apprehensive but relax a little...most dogs arent perfect but most arent disasters either

enjoy the journey!

Edited July 6, 2010 by percyk