JulesP Posted June 9, 2010 Share Posted June 9, 2010 This topic isn't really about the dogs. If a person knows that their partner is willing to use underhand and dishonest tactics on them, they have a lot more to worry about than a couple of jrt puppies. The funny thing is that this is the sort of advice women have been giving each other for years! Manipulate to get what you want, rather than having a fight about it. A man does it though and all hell breaks loose. How many people here have rocked up with a pet that they know their male partner didn't really want? Or any other item? Not saying this man isn't a controlling, abusive freak, but I don't know if he is either. Just noticed blokes getting into trouble for things that we would be clapping a woman for doing (not the byb bit obviously!). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greytmate Posted June 9, 2010 Share Posted June 9, 2010 I don't think so JulesP. It doesn't matter whether you are male or female or in a same-sex relationship. The whole family needs to be on the same page when buying a dog. Wanting to manipulate a person you are supposed to be in a loving relationship with is not very healthy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christina Posted June 9, 2010 Share Posted June 9, 2010 She needs to give the fella up obviously, and just live with the dogs SHE wants! What a jerk Unfortyunately they have just bought a house together, so that isn't going to be easy, she needed to dump him before that. She also wants a pet pig & pythom, that isn't going to happen, this guy doesn't even want to have kids. Be very pleased & relieved that he does not want kids. How would he be with them & how trapped would your daughter be then ? If she did leave him she would have hassles & have to associated with him forever if children were involved. There is nothing you can do except encourage your daughters self esteem & sense of self in a subtle way, if possible, be there for her & hope the light dawns & she gets out at some stage. This has to be the hardest thing for parents. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oakway Posted June 9, 2010 Share Posted June 9, 2010 It's all up to her. You can't do anything unless she WANTS it to happen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovemesideways Posted June 9, 2010 Share Posted June 9, 2010 I know it's the wrong gender for sympathy, but my brother had a very controlling girlfriend and it was almost impossible to get him out of that relationship. I'd go over and ask if he'd like to go for walk with me, and she'd literally burst into tears to stop him going, and start hitting him. He too had an issue with his dogs, she didn't like his GSD {BSL supporter}, so she actually sold it in the Trading Post while he was at work and staged it to look like it had run away. We all believed Sash had run way, so we were doing the frantic door-to-door, posters everywhere, police notified, ranger notified, calling the shelters everyday, and we were shocked at how nobody had seen this large, furry dog anywhere. so one day he stayed home from work, too miserable to go because he was sure Sash was dead, she went shopping, and who called on the home phone but a man complaining about the dog he'd bought from them on TP, saying she refused to be mated and he wanted his money back. PBF {psycho b*tch face, girlfriend's affectionate nickname to the family} actually claimed it must be someone who stole his dog, demanding a ransom. Really. She truly expected us all to believe that. Anyway, that was the last straw, messing with the dog he'd had for 11 years, and he got Sash back and dumped PBF on the roadside. Happy times all round. Hopefully your daughter comes around and gets rid of this bloke. Let her know all the dangers of buying from BYB, maybe hype it up a little with ravings about parvo-stricken puppies dying all over the place, two little puppies and how they wreck havoc if they're not exercised constantly, offer to help her with the adoption of the other dog in any way she needs. People in controlling relationships, male or female, need support from family members to make a move, or they never will. Holy crap What a nut job!!!!! I was in a relationship with a controlling asshole for a long time, and I never noticed. Example of him, I went to see the movie Australia with him and made a passing comment that Hugh Jackman was good looking. He spent the entire movie in silence, and then when I finally asked what was wrong on the ride home, he started screaming at me. "Why would you say that? You're disgusting! If you want to cheat on me then just go off and f*** every guy you see, I know its what you want to do" bla bla bla. Yep he would scream at me cause I said a movie star was decent looking... and thats just one tiny part of it all. It didn't matter what people said to me I was in it and completely ga ga for him. Just be supportive and offer any assistance you can. My mum and best friend where always there for me, and the only people who didn't bitch about Ex. So therefore the only people I would talk to about him. And it wasn't until I finally broke-up with him that I learned how much my best mate completely hated his guts Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loving my Oldies Posted June 9, 2010 Share Posted June 9, 2010 What happens, I wonder, when the dogs don't perform on cue . Whose fault will it be? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moosmum Posted June 9, 2010 Share Posted June 9, 2010 JulesP, While I can see where you are coming from,I think you have missed an important point. This bloke hasn't brought home unwanted dog,He has taken away the womans choice and given her responsibility for HIS choice! I agree with others comments,but I would try to get her to at least point out to this bloke that these dogs are not what she wanted. They are what he wants. Its HER birthday and if she is going to take responbility for a dog,its got to be her choice or it will be unlikely to work out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poodlemum Posted June 9, 2010 Share Posted June 9, 2010 how is bf going to stop the JR battle with snakes?You could try emailing her this link http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/sear...=en&ct=clnk Sorry about the cache link but the main one seems broken today. Happens occasionally. Being with a control freak - is a bit like alcohol addiction - even when the person in it can see how destructive it is, they have trouble stopping themselves, and it's hard for anyone else to help. And pointing out the truth doesn't always help. She knows how you feel about him, all you can do is not-help ie no looking after the JRT or anything else of his. And no giving them money or help, unless things change for the better. Wow, Mrs RB - whoever wrote that sure knows my ex-husband! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
percyk Posted June 9, 2010 Share Posted June 9, 2010 it is so hurtful to us parents when things we teach our kids seems unheard or disregarded and its very hurtful if there is another person controlling them but you have to let it go concentrate on the relationship with your daughter and ignore the b/f it may all fizzle out anyway and you want that connection with your daughter to stay intact he may be controlling and he may be sticking it up you but just act like youre pleased that he got the pups as a surprise they may well turn out to be a joy for them anyway and theres no use you getting sour over it...hard i know...and id feel the same...but id try to mask it for the sake of my kids good luck..it's not easy being good Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hello Gorgeous Posted June 9, 2010 Share Posted June 9, 2010 He too had an issue with his dogs, she didn't like his GSD {BSL supporter}, so she actually sold it in the Trading Post while he was at work and staged it to look like it had run away. You're JOKING?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Staffyluv Posted June 10, 2010 Share Posted June 10, 2010 Dog or boyfriend, dog or boyfriend - I would choose the dog.. It is a shame she is still young enough to accept that it is OK to be controlled this way - I dare say she will eventually see the light... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mantis Posted June 10, 2010 Author Share Posted June 10, 2010 (edited) Dog or boyfriend, dog or boyfriend - I would choose the dog.. It is a shame she is still young enough to accept that it is OK to be controlled this way - I dare say she will eventually see the light... I hope so. I can't believe how she is letting this jerk control her, she has always been a strong willed girl. As for the dogs, unfortunately because she loves all animals, she has already fallen in love with them, so the jerk has won again. I can't believe he totally went against her ideals, (not talking about choice of breed), but the fact he knew she didn't want dogs from a pet shop or a BYB, but wanted to rescue dumped dogs, to me that shows he has absoultely no respect for my daughter. . His twin brother has a British Bulldog & a Carpet Python, who the jerk will not interact with, totally avoids them, my daughter chose the wrong twin. I can't believe twins can be so different. Edited June 10, 2010 by mantis Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~Anne~ Posted June 10, 2010 Share Posted June 10, 2010 As a 'strong willed' girl who was also controlled for 13 years.. I'd shut my mouth and just be there for her. It may take her many years, but she will need you somewhere are somepoint. Don't burn bridges by voicing your thoughts and feelings.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mantis Posted June 10, 2010 Author Share Posted June 10, 2010 Don't worry I do, because I don't want to lose her, but I did express my disappointment, that he bought dogs from a BYB. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
voloclydes Posted June 10, 2010 Share Posted June 10, 2010 when you bag your daughter partner you bag her because he was her choice... she will keep choosing him to save her own feelings. same theory as baging a childs parent teaches them they are no good. he is a big part of her life.... how hurt would you be if your mum came onto a forum and wrote what you have but about your crap husband! and you saw it? mostly likely you would be devastated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mantis Posted June 10, 2010 Author Share Posted June 10, 2010 (edited) when you bag your daughter partner you bag her because he was her choice... she will keep choosing him to save her own feelings. same theory as baging a childs parent teaches them they are no good.he is a big part of her life.... how hurt would you be if your mum came onto a forum and wrote what you have but about your crap husband! and you saw it? mostly likely you would be devastated. If my daughter posted, or read this site, do you think I would have posted this thread? This is just a place I can vent, because I can't say it to my daughter without alienating her. Edited to add, I got rid of my crap husband. Edited June 10, 2010 by mantis Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mantis Posted June 10, 2010 Author Share Posted June 10, 2010 If he is scared of big dogs then I do think it is fair enough that he wants little dogs. It would be equally bad of your daughter to get a pet that her partner didn't want. Same could be said for him forcing her to have two small dogs, instead of her compromise, of having one of each. He is a 35 year old man, to be scared of big dogs is ridiculuos, he is just using that as an excuse to get the dogs he wants. Not that it matters now, because he has got his way & my daughter has missed out again. Plus you people sticking up for him keep missing the point, where he bought dogs from a BYB, which my daughter was totally against, when looking for dogs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Rusty Bucket Posted June 10, 2010 Share Posted June 10, 2010 website I recommended has returned to life... http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/man...tor/manip.shtml She has to figure it out for herself. You're allowed to be worried about her and say so, you're her mum. You could ask her if she wants you to let her know how you feel about her staying with Mr control Freak, or if it would be better if you keep it to yourself. Sometimes if you push - they push back but don't do or see what needs doing. My whole family had a problem with my brother smoking - and nagging him about it or even discussing it aside from the "we're worried about you" comment - did not help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parkeyre Posted June 10, 2010 Share Posted June 10, 2010 Mantis; can you sit your daughter down and say what you are feeling, and just ask her if you are seeing this wrong? She can either say; no mum i'm fine Or have a cry and a vent and tell you what's going on in her mind. If you can't f*ck off the partner, perhaps you could just be there for your daughter. You clearly care a lot about her. Thinking of you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greytmate Posted June 10, 2010 Share Posted June 10, 2010 (edited) If he is scared of big dogs then I do think it is fair enough that he wants little dogs. It would be equally bad of your daughter to get a pet that her partner didn't want. Same could be said for him forcing her to have two small dogs, instead of her compromise, of having one of each. He is a 35 year old man, to be scared of big dogs is ridiculuos, he is just using that as an excuse to get the dogs he wants. Not that it matters now, because he has got his way & my daughter has missed out again. Plus you people sticking up for him keep missing the point, where he bought dogs from a BYB, which my daughter was totally against, when looking for dogs. You are missing our point. No dog, regardless of where it came from, should be brought into a home unless both people are happy for that to happen. Neither of them should be buying pets unless they both agree on them. Edited June 10, 2010 by Greytmate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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