I Think It's Time....

[Danielle]

Abbi has gone downhill quite rapidly over the holidays and I think it may be time for her to go to sleep. I'm still wrestling with the idea of going ahead with it and need some advice. She is ten, has a brain tumor, bad heart, fused back and more. She was tested for cushings a while back and we never really got a definitive answer. She is a very stoic old bugger and does not show her pain, but I see it. She is pretty much glued to the couch these days, is rattly when she breathes and sore and stiff. She was on metacam for pain but is now on heavy dose tramal. She goes up and down so I have put off giving her her wings, just when I think it's time she bounces back and acts like a puppy again so I put it off. But yesterday she refused meat and still won't eat. She did eat a schmacko but threw it up again. Yet half an hour before had been chasing our remote control car and having fun. It's so hard to make this call as she does seem sick and ready to go but yet still surprises me with a burst of energy and spunk every now and then.

Usually if I mention the word car she goes ballistic but I only got a wagging tail this morning when I asked her if she wanted to go for a ride. She wouldn't even get off the couch, just layed there and wagged her tail at me.

I don't want to leave it too late and regret it but how can I make this decision when she still displays signs of happiness and vigour? It's so incredibly hard. My hubby and I are taking her to the vet tmrw if she does not buck up today and get her checked out. If it looks like she won't come good I'll have her put down. My heart is breaking, she is my heart dog and my best friend, she has been my rock thru all the hard times and occasionally my only reason for being here. This dog means the world to me and I owe it to her to do the right thing and put aside my feelings for her benefit. I will not be selfish with this.

Has anyone else had to do something like this? How did you know when the time was right? How did you cope without guilt, or is guilt and self doubt something that is unavoidable? Buggered if I know.

Please no flaming, just couldn't cope with that right now. Just need a bit of advice and support I spose.

[poodlefan]

I have no words of advice. Only this:

I have yet to have to make this decision for one of mine Danielle. But if she's no longer finding any joy in life, its probably time. The hardest part is when they seesaw between good days and bad.

[persephone]

I'm sorry

It does sound like sooner rather than later would be the kinder thing to do.... if she is not handling food... and is unable to show her joy at things like a car ride- then a lot of enjoyment has gone forever- not to mention that eating is important.

She is very tired,and you have it in your power to give her those final conscious moments where she can sigh and relax and enjoy, before she trots off over the bridge ... not easy at all..thinking of you.

[pipsqueak]

I can only give you my experience with our guinea pig, which some people feel isn't the same. I feel that I left it too late in making the decision for her. She started to lose the use of her back legs over a period of months - some days she would drag them, but then the next day she would seem fine. She had become incontinent, which meant it was exceptionally difficult to keep her and her cage clean - should would basically lay in urine/faeces. I made the decision to pts when her bad days outweighed her good, but as I said, I think I should have made it sooner - when she became incontinent. Even at the end, she still had her good days, where she was fairly mobile. And, she was still eating like the greedy guts that she was right until the end. I know people say that "you know when it's time", but I was never sure. And they also say that the animal tells you, but sorry, I didn't get that either. I know when I decided to pts, it was with love and caring, and to make sure she didn't get any worse and experience pain.

I'm not sure if any of that helps you, or just makes the decision harder for you. It's a tough decision to have to make.

[Diesel's Mate]

I'm so sorry to hear about Abbi.

I am a new user here but thought I would show some support to you as I had the same terrible decision to make over a year ago.

I felt very torn with what to do. The only thing making my gorgeous girl wag her tail was my love, and alot of drugs. Sooner or later the drugs would have stopped working.

We also have another dog who was completely freaked out by the situation. He had no idea what to do and even he showed signs of being doggy 'sad'.

In the end she couldnt walk up a 2 inch stair due to a degenerative spine which is common in Dobermans (so I heard), she was incontinent, she had a thyroid issue which made her fat (although she was on a strict diet) and then she stopped eating. We experienced the rapid downhill decline over 6 months. The worse thing was she was only 5.

She was completely miserable and was only happy when she was near me. Her bright gorgeous spark was gone and I knew she was in pain.

Although I still get upset, and hang out at her little memorial at home often, I know it was the right thing to do and the kindest thing to do.

I believe that if your beautiful little mate isn't the dog it once was, and her spark has gone, it is probably time. But no one can make the decision for you, it seems as though you have alot of support here regardless of your decision. No one should judge you for whatever action you choose to take or not take.

Be kind to yourself during this hard time.

[Jed]

Sorry to hear you are going through this, Danielle. It's never pleasant.

Unfortunately, I've had to make this decision, and sometimes, it isn't all that easy.

I have some criteria that I use. If the dog does not eat for 24 hours, or vomits after eating, I consider the options very carefully. Some dogs are very stoic, and some do not show pain.

You said

But yesterday she refused meat and still won't eat. She did eat a schmacko but threw it up again. Yet half an hour before had been chasing our remote control car and having fun. It's so hard to make this call as she does seem sick and ready to go but yet still surprises me with a burst of energy and spunk every now and then.

If she was my dog, I'd see how she is in 24 hours, and make a decision based on that. She also may be having intermittent pain or discomfort, which is preventing her eating, but giving her respite from time to time - eg, to chase the car.

It's always a hard decision made harder by us never wanting to get it wrong. And our judgment is often clouded by emotion, which makes it even more difficult.

Edited to add - from your post, I think you are approaching it in the correct manner. And I certainly feel guilt - is this "too soon" or "too late" - should I wait or should I not? I must confess, I am a bit surer now of whether the decision I make is correct - but that's after doing it much more often that I ever wished for, or thought I would...but that's the fault of a life with dogs, I guess.

Good luck and be happy with the choice you make.

I hope someone will be as kind to me when my life is no longer joyful.

Edited January 6, 2011 by Jed

[dogfan]

I'm so sorry

You will know when the time is right, she will tell you.

[Danielle]

Thx for the support guys.

I just tried to feed her some meat again but she threw it up again. She seems mildly interested in food but can't hold it down for more than ten seconds. She normally eats like a bottomless pit, she's a cattle dog need I say more. She is back on the couch now looking miserable. Bloody hell this is really upsetting. And yes Jed, it's hard when the emotions get in the way, I'm an emotional person at the best of times so im kinda freaking out at the moment.

I'll take your advice Jed and see how she goes today then get her seen to tmrw if need be.

[OSoSwift]

It sounds to me like she is getting very very close to her time.

It will hurt and you will probably second guess yourself even for a short while after it is done. The only thing we can do is put all of our emotion aside and do what our dogs needs. You are in the position of ultimate sacrifice and love. You don't want her to leave, but would you be happy if you held onto her just for yourself???

We are lucky that we can let them go and they do not have to suffer until the end, we are honoured to be able to do that.

I would say now is the time, but I am a person that will put them down slightly earlier than later compared to many I have seen, that is just me and how I do things.

You will hurt, it is inevitable, but over time your memeories will change to the good ones.

[Mollie10]

For me, it isn't about how good she CAN be, but rather how bad she is when she's at her worst.

I'm so sorry that you are having to make this decision. I don't think there is a harder one, but better too soon than too late.

My thoughts are with you xox

[dancinbcs]

With very old or sick dogs I usualy make up my mind at some point, that the next bad turn, it willl be time and stick to it. Once I reach that point I take them immediately to the vets before I have time to second guess again. There is no way I could decide tomorrow or the next day will be the day and keep going until the appointed day. For me the time between making the decision and letting them go is much worse than after they have gone, so I want it to be as short as possible. I would much rather be too early than too late because we really only keep them going for ourselves. The only difference it makes to the dog is that their suffering ends faster if we opt to let them go sooner.

For me the criteria in an very old or terminally ill dog are - obvious pain, unable to eat, unable to walk or incontinent (because my dogs seem to be most distressed by this). Pain can be very hard to detect though and I have had dogs that must have been in agony show no apparent sign.

This is the worse part of owning animals but in order to enjoy the good times we have to be strong enough to know when the good times for that animal have ended. I have never yet had a dog or cat just pass away on its own so I have now had to make this decision for 7 dogs and 2 cats. It doesn't really get easier but you do get to be more sure that you have picked the right time.

[Cheyd]

Everyone with more experience than me have offered really good advice, I just want to add that I am thinking of you

[NotSureWhich]

I really feel for you as it's an awful decision to have to make.

I had my heart dog put to sleep earlier this year. I love/d her so dearly, had her for 14 years and didn't want to lose her. At the same time I didn't want to keep her here for my own feelings.

She was having fits, wasn't herself and she just looked at me one day and I could see in her eyes that she wanted to go. It was hard as all hell and I still cry (am now) about not having her in my life.

Dogs are usually pretty tough cookies, even when they are in pain etc. What is the saying? Better a day too early than a minute too late?

If you aren't sure, be guided by your vet.

[W Sibs]

No words just

[Kia]

So sorry Danielle.

It doesn't get any easier and I have had the feelings of guilt but it is part of the grieving process. We do the best we can for our furkids and we have the power to release them from pain.

The decision you make isn't wrong if it gives your pet peace. Thinking of you at this tough time

[Dogsfevr]

We too have been in the position of putting down a number of dogs over the years infact we have had to PTS 16 & only i 3 in there sleep

What we have learnt is when we ask ourselves is it time it generally is because it means we are reading the signs the dog is giving & noticing the dramatic changes that are no longer part of "there" life.

Like someone else has said consider how often the bad times are over the good because that is what matters the most .

I would suggest trying something more bland for her tummy & see how you go.

It is never an easy choice & hopefully your vet is one that is supportive.

As awful as it sounds if you haven't decided what you plan to do when the time comes maybe consider it now.

All ours are cremated ,some people bury ,this is often more stressful than any moment when suddenly having to decide what to do

[Little Gifts]

Hi Danielle, I started a thread about this only a couple of days ago as I am facing the same thing. I was at the vet this wednesday fully expecting to come home with a dog for burial but it is not quite her time yet. There are lots of DOLers in a similar position and there was lots of wonderful advice and support given to me. Big higs to you and your girl.

[Cockerlover]

Words dont come easy @ a time like this ,but having just given my foundation bitch her wings on new years eve ,I can only say ,I felt it was the kindest thing I could do for her after 16 years of trust & companionship .One has to put aside ones emotions, muster up all the courage you can & do it in the name of love & devotion ,

I personally feel one can keep putting of the inevitable, If one lets ones heart rule your head .

The pain & torment of making this dessision, I feel is worse than actually doing it ,Theres a knd of relief Knowing your beloved pet is no longer suffering but sleeping peacfully .

Be brave ,hugs to you .

[dunnwarren]

It's hard I know but I would still rather give them their wings a bit too early then leave it too late, especially when you know the time is coming anyway.

[Greytmate]

I'm so sorry Danielle. This is such a hard time right now for you.

When dogs are sick and won't eat, recovery seems unlikely.

We had to put our beautiful girl down this week. I wrote about her death in Puppy Sniffer's thread.

I do not think we made the decision for Goldie too early.

In a few days I will write about her in the Rainbow Bridge forum and talk about Goldie's life and our fond memories of her.