Grief When One Passes Away

[Tara and Sam]

Sam passed away yesterday and I am finding it hard to cope myself at the moment but am worried about Tara

( both were / was 14 years old )

When we found Sam had passed away in his favourite spot in the laundry

Tara was still in her bed ( she is deaf so didnt hear us moveing around , since her deafness she has become more insecure )

Before Sam was taken to the vets

I woke Tara to take her outside for a wee and to see Sam if she wanted to

as she came back in she walked around him and then stopped and turned back

she came closer to Sam as I patted him and also patting her at same time

she started shaking so much

she then backed off and whent into kitchen area

she has been shakeing a lot the last two days and is walkig around outside looking and sniffing the air for him

they have lived together for 14 years and hardly ever apart

Tara has never been left home alone as there was always us or Sam with her

I am keeping her routine as per normal but any other tips Please

as I dont want her fretting

I am worried how she will cope home alone

both were normally left outside

do I leave her inside when more secure for her

or outside where she might be looking for him

P.S I have seen threads before but cant seem to find them

[kiwioz]

Oh hugs to you

I worry about this. Cal is turning 13 in Jan so hopefully he still has a few more years in him yet, but Finn is sooo dependent on him I don't know how he'll cope. I think keeping to routine is a great idea but otherwise I'm not much help. Will be interested to see what others say - leaving Finn home alone is the bit i'll worry about too.

Are there toys/blankets/objects that comfort her you could leave her with? TV for some background noise? Possibly things that people suggest for a young puppy might be helpful?

[Rysup]

I am so sorry to read about loosing Sam.

I am lucky in a way, that I have enough dogs here that when one passes, they have someone else to keep them occupied. Though my little Lhasa Daisy did fret for her mother when we had her PTS in July. But I stuck with the routine, and she still had the older boy with her. If I only had two I would worry. When I was grooming, I used to do litter sister Whippets. One passed, and the other passed just a week later, we reckon of a broken heart.

[Little Gifts]

My older girl was 13 and her son was 12 when he had to be pts after an accident. Sorry to say she aged before my eyes after it happened. They had been together for nearly all their lives (both had previous owners but reunited in my care as rescues) but didn't seem that dependant on each other. I took in another rescue several months after the son went and my older girl devoted herself to this new pup. We currently have 3 dogs including the old girl who is almost 16 and a half now. I think my older girl is just a dog used to being part of a pack and doesn't do well as an only dog.

I understand you may not be in a position to get another dog, but if you do make sure it is one suitable to Tara's needs and temperament as well. My old girl is deaf and blind but new dogs of any age don't phase her at all. She still likes rough one on one playing but the risk for her is mainly when all the dogs are being too active together she gets bowled over as her back legs aren't as strong as they used to be.

Others will have different advice for you as well - this is simply what worked in our household for this particular dog.

Very sorry for your loss of Sam.

[Bilbo Baggins]

T&S So sorry Sam has gone over

I thoughts are keep things as normal as possible. Rescue remedy is a great help. Take some yourself as well.

[JulesP]

So sorry to read about Sam. I hate to write this but you need to prepare yourself for the fact that Tara may go soon too. I've seen this a fair bit with older dogs.

When my Moss passed Fern was 11yo. She was really grieving and I quickly found a new friend for her. She picked up a bit but honestly was never the same. She did live until she was 15yo though but was the 'old' dog.

[Tara and Sam]

Thanks for the kind words about Sam

I am gutted

mums health issue and then looseing one of my heart dogs the next morning

dont think I have any more tears left to cry

Toys and Blankets etc , she not overly interested in , she prefers our company or the running around with Sam

OH said yesterday he didnt want to come home and find a puppy here

I did state not this year but next year I would like another dog

mum will need to go to hospital soon for a breast cancer op , and will probally looking after her cav while she there

so that hopefully will help Tara abit

Tara and Sam were good together although they didnt cuddle up as some do ,

but he was always here for her

Tara has some issues herself as she has lost over 2 kilo in a few years ( apparently due to muscle tone as she gets older , according to vet )

he says some dogs as they age can actually loose weight

I queired him so much over the loss of weight issue

and her little legs tend to give a bit when walking

since she was clipped for summer she looks skinny

as much as I would like company for her everything is so much up in the air with mum and all her tests needed before Christmas

and then the passing of Sam

I have been spraying around Bush Flower Emergency Essence which helps both myself and Tara a little

JulesP I have also had the same thoughts and fears this could happen myself

Tara actually didnt look too good about two weeks ago when we had that horrible hot humid weather here

just reminded me a friend around the corner has a small dog but she herself is in hospital and someone is looking after her dog for her

OH and I have just talked and she wont be left alone by herself

we will work around appointments etc so someone is here with her to watch and keep her company

[Ons]

could your mum's cavvy come and stay for a little bit, it may give Tara some comfort another canine.

All I can suggest is that you are around as much as possible for her I wish I had a solution but I don't and have vowed myself to always have 3 dogs

[Loraine]

so sorry that Sam has gone on to the . I have no advice for Tara as I have never been in that situation. I just pray that seh rallies.

[perrin]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

[Dog_Horse_Girl]

Sometimes there is nothing we can do to ease their grief and sometimes another dog (even one which is visiting/staying short term) can help enormously.

I wouldn't recommend a puppy around an older dog which has recently lost an older canine friend. The older dog may not cope well and could go downhill even faster.

Maybe mind or foster another older dog?

I am sorry for Sam's loss...you must be going through so much grief right now. I know how that feels.

[Debyork2]

I lost both my elderly dogs (one 15 and the other 16) within 3 weeks of each other ....they had been together all their adult lives and after the old girl died the old boy obviously missed her dreadfully-he was deaf and blind and she was his 'rock', he took to howling at night-something he had never done in his life but they had always slept together, we did our best to comfort him & took him in bed with us but he just lost the will to live I think, very sad. House seems very strange without them and I am still coming to terms with it-first time in 43 years that I have lived in a house with no dogs. Best of luck and thoughts to everyone with old dogs... and those comforting a grieving dog...hopefully there's a doggy heaven up there!

[HollyMilo]

I'm so sorry for your loss

[Loving my Oldies]

My heart goes out to you T&S, and for Tara too who has lost her mate of a life time.

As Rysup said, I have so many dogs that over the years, there have always been other dogs there (except for my very first couple).

You are having a hard time of it; best wishes for your mum's treatment.

[cowanbree]

While I have a number of dogs I used to have a mother/daughter that were the totally inside dogs. They were together 24/7 and were devoted to each other. When the mother Kell died i was concerned for Kayla but after a couple of days she seemed to accept that life had changed and moved on. I did however move one of the other old dogs inside.

Perhaps you could consider fostering an older dog? I don't think it would be fair on her to even consider a puppy but an older foster might just be the answer.

[parrotpea]

Huge for you , and hoping your girl comes around - getting or minding another mature dog sounds like a wise idea.

[persephone]

Try DAP diffuser , perhaps? Poor old girl ... at least she knows he's not there anymore.. I'm glad she 'said goodbye' ...

[Tara and Sam]

I am hopeing to look after mum's cav when she goes to hospital

OH doesnt know that yet , but mum also needs help with her dog as she is very much mum's dog , but has bonded with me also over the time

Tara has always been my shadow and when I not home then Sam's shadow

I wouldnt get a puppy at this stage or even next year as I beleive that Tara wouldnt cope well particularly as she cant hear and has catarachs ? on her eyes

I woudl consider a teenager or older maybe

fostering is a good option also to consider

lillysmum I am wondering how much more I can cope with before I crumble down

panics are back bigtime at moment

I can not imagine having no dogs in my home after all these years

I am glad I woke her up so she could take the chance to say goodbye ( I learnt that on DOL that some need to have that chance so they know ) and she did come back to him , so yes I think she did realise what happened

I just took her outside for last time tonight , she wont go onto lawn by herself unless I walk out with her

she just walked around the yard and I followed with my little torch , she whent right down the very back where Sam always whent , she just sniffed around all over that area

I stayed down the back area when she started walking back to house , and she looked so lost and was looking around everywhere , once she noticed me she came running back to me

so that has answered my question she cant be left outside by herself

Thanks for the replies and hugs and well wishes for mum

much appreciated

[dianed]

Its sad when they have been together along time. They do adjust, it just takes time and you are doing everything you can.My Sophie had a lost depressed look after Carla passed away, it was terrible. I got another dog because of that and they dont really like each other. So give it time. Hugs to you and Tara : RIP Sam rainbowbridge:

Edited December 12, 2010 by dianed

[sas]

So sorry

Try and keep things as normal as possible and try not to dot on her too much.

I think without a doubt things will be difficult for her however they will be more difficult if you unload your emotions onto her.

You could consider fostering an oldie small dog in a couple of weeks if you think that might assist her?

Edited December 12, 2010 by sas